


Moony, Padfoot and little Prongs

by alien_in_the_sea



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Harry Potter AU, M/M, Remus raising Harry, Sirius raising Harry, Slow Burn, Slow Wolfstar, Slow burn Wolfstar, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-05-17 02:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 33,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5851360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alien_in_the_sea/pseuds/alien_in_the_sea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Potter AU where Sirius steps in as Harry's godfather and raises him with Remus (and slowly they fall in love together) from the night he was meant to go to Privet Drive to that day at the Platform, 19 years later</p><p> </p><p>PLEASE READ VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE! [LATEST UPDATE]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He's my godson

“Albus Dumbledore, what is going inside your head? You think Harry will be safe living here? You want him to live with these muggles? Do you know how bad they are? Of course you don’t! YOU NEVER HEARD LILY COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM! YOU NEVER HEARD HOW HORRIBLE THEY ARE! THEY WILL NOT BE GOOD TO HARRY! HARRY DOESN’T DESERVE THIS! HARRY DOESN’T DESERVE ANY OF IT! HE SHOULD HAVE AFAMILY THAT LOVES HIM AND CARES FOR HIM, ALBUS! HE DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS! I AM HIS GODFATHER AND I AM THE CLOSEST THING HE HAS TO A FAMILY NOW!  
“Sirius… Calm down.” The old man answered calmly, as he analysed what the young, worn down man had to say.  
“HOW CAN YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN? JAMES IS DEAD AND LILY IS DEAD AND I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR SON BECAUSE THAT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY AND YOU CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY! HARRY IS MY RESPONSIBILITY! I WILL NOT LET HIM GO INTO THAT HOUSE! TAKING CARE OF HIM WAS JAMES AND LILY’S DYING WISH!” Sirius yelled as tears came down his already red eyes.  
“Sirius…”

“NO! Let me take him….please…” 

The street was dark and Sirius’ cries and screams pierced the silence. His sobs were heard from every house in the street, but no one woke up.  
The only light was the light from the moon, shaped like a nail, and the stars, shining down four silhouettes. A huge man, who could only stand and stare in awe of the intensity of Black’s pleas. 

McGonagall took this pause as her queue to talk:  
“The boy is right. First, these muggles are the worst kind I’ve ever seen. They are rude and ignorant. Their son hit his mother after she turned off the TV and she almost fell down the stairs while holding the boy, who was throwing a tantrum. Every rude and distasteful thing the boy does is celebrated by both his parents. I saw them talking and…well… they mentioned the Potters. Both of them seemed disgusted at the idea of them. I don’t want to imagine what they would do to Harry…”

Sirius was still sobbing, unable to talk, as he held the sleeping baby, covered in blankets. He looked worn down and tired, his clothes dirty and ragged. His hair had not been washed in a couple of days due to the massive events that happened one after the other in chain reaction.

“Also, Albus, it is true that Black is Harry’s godfather. Lily and James decided that long ago. It is true that he is responsible for Harry.” She looked at the bundle. “Sirius is his legal guardian.”

“I see…” Dumbledore stroked his beard. “You definitely make a convincing point. Sirius, you can take Harry to your house. I suppose Remus will be involved too?”

“Uh, yes, most likely he will help out with Harry.” He sniffed. “Wait…I can take Harry?”  
“We will be checking up on you, Sirius. Take him” 

“Thank you. Thank you so much!” He shot up and hugged the old man. “I will take care of Harry.”

Sirius rose from the dark, wet ground and took Harry to the baby’s seat in his huge motorbike. He smiled from ear to ear as he took off into the sky, towards number 12 Grimmauld Place.  
“Well, then. That is our cue to leave. This surely was an unnecessary trip but now you are more than welcome to join me in the celebrations.” Dumbledore said with a grin in his face.  
Hagrid, McGonagall and Dumbledore transported to a party, now finally able to celebrate the defeat of the Dark Lord.  
Far away from there, Sirius Black was riding his motorbike in the sky, singing loudly to the Weird Sisters and laughing. His day had been bittersweet.  
For past day, he’d been mourning the death of his two best friends. He had cried until he didn’t have any tears left and he had held Remus until he didn’t either. He had punched holes in the wall and he had visited every old photo album he had with them, missing James’ laugh and Lily’s red hair. Remus, who was living with him, hid himself in his room after crying with Sirius. He hadn’t heard anything from him since then.

He also was willing to kill his old best friend, Peter, because it was all his fault. The coward had told Voldemort where the Potters were hiding. It was all Peter’s fault. Or was it? In the back of his head there was a voice blaming Sirius for trying to fool Voldemort by making Peter the holder of the Fidelius charm. That same day, he’d gone and to find Peter, to confront him. He was out the whole day, he tried to find him everywhere but he only found a note in his house saying he was gone and he was never coming back, he was serving the Dark Lord.

But after he got back to the dark, house in Grimmauld Place, he saw Lupin sitting in the small kitchen, waiting for him with a grave look.  
“Moony…”  
“Sirius, is it true?” He asked with a serious tone.  
“Yeah, it was him. I didn’t find him. That bastard!” He punched the wooden table. “Why did he do it? Each one of us was willing to die before telling him where they were!”

“Padfoot. One more thing: Harry.” Remus looked worried but his grave tone never changed.

“Shit! Harry!” Sirius ran outside the house and got into his motorbike, speeding toward Godric’s Hollow, where the ruined Potter house was. He knew he had to go back in there, where Lily and James’ bodies were but in that moment there was a bigger priority than mourning: getting Harry out of there. Harry was his godson and he was to take care of him. 

When he got there, Hagrid, a member of the Order of the Phoenix was already walking out with Harry wrapped in a snug blanket. 

He argued with the half-giant briefly, until they resolved to go together in Sirius’ bike to Hagrid’s destination, mostly due to the fact the Sirius was ready to argue with Dumbledore and Hagrid was intimidated by whoever was planning on doing so.

Now on his way back, Sirius realised he was cold and he didn’t have a jacket. Up in the sky, his hair flew and his face looked less worn down.  
“I wonder how great my hair looks right now…” He muttered to himself. 

He checked on Harry who was sleeping soundly, snuggled in his baby seat. He hoped Remus was still up so he would help him find a place for Harry and even give him some of his great soup. He was cold. 

Harry moved a little and caught his godfather’s attention. He noticed how much his hair was like James and his face too but something else was more important. He had a scar in the shape of a lightning. 

“Oh, Harry, that’s nasty. Moony and Padfoot will take care of you, okay?” He told the baby. “Moony is such a great cook. He makes the best food, Harry, you will love it. Your parents did. I’m a sick Quidditch player. I’ll get you a broom and I’ll teach you how to play. You’re probably great at it, given James is your father. You’ll be so happy with us, the wizarding world is great.”

He continued to talk to Harry like that until he parked his motorbike outside number 11 Grimmauld Place (the muggles would be angry about it but he didn't care at that moment). In the dark of the night, no one noticed the tall man with dark, long hair, holding a baby in his left arm and flicking his wand to make house number 12 appear. 

The tall building had many spells to keep people from finding it, between the fear of muggles that the Black family had and Dumbledore’s protection since it became the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, it was almost impossible to find.

He slowly opened the wooden door and before he knew it, Remus was hugging him tightly, sighing in relief. Sirius didn’t mind the embrace of the taller man. They were used to each other’s bodies and contact wasn’t something new to them. Since he moved in with him, Remus had become his home.  
“You got him.” He whispered.

“Yeah, I did” Sirius replied. “We take care of him now”

“Holy shit, Sirius, you’re cold” He hugged him tighter.

“I forgot a jacket. Can we go to sleep now? I’m so tired.” 

They walked upstairs to Sirius’ room, where Remus had prepared a small space for Harry to sleep in. All that effort went out of the window. Either of them changed clothes, they just took their pants off, threw themselves to bed and put Harry in between them. Sirius hugging Harry, promising to never let him go, and Remus holding Sirius’ hand, neither of them complaining.

It was a new family.

Remus, Sirius and Harry.

Moony, Padfoot and little Prongs.


	2. The day after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just the day after Harry got to Grimmauld Place, which is basically sleeping, shopping and domestic! Wolfstar

The next morning, it was Remus who woke up first, at 11 am, due to the loud cries of hunger of the child between him and Sirius. He smiled when he realised he was still holding Sirius’ hand. Remus sighed. Harry was sat up and crying, God knew since how long ago. He got from the bed, reluctantly letting go of Sirius, put on the pants he was wearing from the day before and picked up Harry, unsure of what to do. Sure, he had been with Harry for over a year now, taking care of him, but always with James or Lily there, to take him when he was too loud or had to take a nap. But now, there was no Lily or James. 

Remus took Harry out of the room where Sirius was sleeping, to allow him to rest, since he definitely deserved it. 

“What is it, Harry?” He asked the baby, talking to him as if he was just another adult. “You hungry? We still have some food from yesterday… Well, it’s mostly bread and food from two days ago.”

Harry couldn’t stop crying. He was getting louder and louder.

“Woah, shhh, you’ll wake up Sirius,” He warned him. “Okay so I guess I’ll give you bread for now”

Remus took Harry down the stairs into the snug kitchen where he grabbed two pieces of hard bread and took them to the small living room. He then sat Harry down in a chair, gave him the piece of bread and ate his.

“I’m sorry Harry, we don’t really have anything else. We weren’t expecting any of this. I doubt you were either.”

Harry had stopped crying at the sight of food and started biting on his meal, full of dedication.

“God, Harry. How do we raise a baby?!” Remus sighed. “We don’t know anything about babies. I don’t and neither does Sirius.” 

He was sitting in an old chair, with his feet placed on the ground. He put his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands, stressing at the fact that they were to take care of a baby, and neither of them knew how.

“M-Moony,” Harry said.

“Oh, so you remember my name.” Remus laughed. “That’s a start. Hi, Harry.” He smiled. 

Harry looked so much like James. And his eyes were just like Lily’s.   
"That’s it. Remember what she said when she was pregnant. What to get, where to buy it. Just think like Lily and James." He thought. He had found a solution for now.

Lost in thought, listing all the thing they had to do that day, he didn't hear his friend until Harry noticed him first.

“Padfoot” Harry laughed.

“Hi, Moony. You’re managed to look stressed extra early this morning.” He smirked.

“Well, I dealt with a hungry baby to let you sleep, smartass.” 

“Well, then, thank you….Hey, Harry. What’s for breakfast?”

“We have old bread. With a glass of water, if you please.” Remus said bitterly.

“I’ll take it. We have to go grocery shopping, though. You have to cook something for Harry. I told him he would love your cooking.”

“Sirius, we also have to go ‘baby shopping’. He can’t sleep in between us every night and sit in an old chair to have shitty bread every day. We need baby stuff.”

“Fine. Can we do that in the afternoon, though? Right now I want to have a shower and then watch a movie and nap. Are you in or not?” Remus nodded with a tired face. “Also, if Harry cries, tell me and I’ll give him a ride on top of me. He loves the dog.”

“Okay. So who’s going to the bathroom first?”

“Shotgun on the first shower!” Sirius said and he ran off up the steep stairs before Remus could react.

“Fine.” He smiled, admiring how dorky Sirius could be. 

Harry still tried to finish his piece of bread.

“We’re gonna clean you up too, you know that right?” He told Harry.

“Padfoot?” He asked, looking directly at Remus with his green eyes.

“He’ll be back.”

“Mummy?”

“Mummy is not here, now. I will take care of you.” Remus’ eyes teared up. This boy would never see his mum. “It’s okay.” He grabbed Harry and hugged him.

That day was a haze. Harry was mostly well behaved, except when he got hungry, which only happened twice. They cleaned up Harry in the bath and washed his small, dirty clothes before they dressed him. Neither Remus nor Sirius knew how to change a nappy.

“I thought she taught you!”

“Well, Lily clearly didn’t or else we wouldn’t be having this chat, idiot,” Remus answered.

“It isn’t that bad, right? I mean, I doubt they would change him with that little…um…stuff in it.” 

“It’s been two days. Do you thing that’s a little, Sirius? Really?”  
“Well…” 

“It’s not”

 

“Fine”  
At the end, they managed to clean Harry up and then create a makeshift nappy with old sheets, scissors and safety pins.

After that, they sat down and watched a movie on the old TV Remus found in a bargain shop. Because it was their favourite, Remus, Sirius and Harry watched “The Sound of Music” and Sirius, being the sassiest, not only sang, but performed every song. Both Remus and Harry laughed and enjoyed the show.

They napped for half an hour, in the same position they were when they movie ended. Harry spread out on Remus’ lap, and his fingers unconsciously stopped mid-brush in Sirius’ long hair.

“Time to wake up, sleeping beauty.” Sirius shook his friend’s shoulder. 

It had taken him a while to process the fact that Remus was running his fingers through his hair but the promised he wouldn’t make anything of it, even if it was the hardest thing to do.

“Time to go shopping”

“Goddamnit Moony, wake up”

“Harry, not you too!”

And other things were among the phrases that young Sirius said before Remus started stirring. And with him, Harry.

“Don’t we have to go everything shopping?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah…right…we do” Remus answered with a raspy, grave voice, rubbing his hands on his face.

“Come on then.” 

Remus sighed and stood up, picking up Harry. They decided to start off at the Diagon Alley, then go to the supermarket that only a block away and then take the bus to the mall, where they were going to buy baby stuff.

Sirius walked out of the room, walked up the stairs and retrieved his wallet, with wizard and muggle money. Since he moved in, he and Remus had been learning the muggle way for a lot of stuff, with the help of Lily and Arthur Weasley, a member of the Order of the Phoenix with bright red hair and a vast knowledge of the muggle world. Together, they had learnt about money, buses and trains, televisions, cinemas and everyday objects like computers and toasters.

When Sirius returned, Harry and Remus were waiting for him, standing inside the fireplace, small warm, green flames licking their feet. Harry was entertained by them and was trying to grab them in his small, chubby hand.

“Ready?” Remus asked, picking up Harry and grabbing the Floo Powder. “The Leaky Cauldron!” He said clearly and was engulfed in green flames.

Sirius stepped in, grabbed the glittery, green power and did the same as his friend. He was used to the ride, so it was not a big deal but when he got there, Harry was giggling and asking for more. They were greeted by Tom, the landlord but they didn’t stop to talk. They politely answered and walked out of the pub and with his wand, Sirius opened the gateway to the famous Diagon Alley.

They got straight to business and without even speaking they split up and started shopping. Remus and Harry went to get a picture book for Harry (possibly The tales of Beedle the Bard) and a book for the two adults, to help them raise a wizard kid.

Sirius, on his side, bought Harry a kid’s broom for him to have and got him treats, like All Flavour Beans and Chocolate Frogs, from the Sweetshop. He also bought some ice cream from Florean Fortescue and the Daily Prophet for Remus.

Then they walked into the muggle world, Remus jokingly reprimanding Sirius for the broom, while Harry cringed at the Cheese flavoured bean.

In the supermarket, in which they got many odd looks from people, they quickly bought everything they needed and left without a problem. They bought nappies for Harry and some baby food (just in case they forgot to cook). It was only until they were at the shopping centre when they didn’t know what to do.

“Sirius, he had a crib. I don’t know a bed is appropriate yet.” 

“But Harry is too big for a crib… He should have a bed, and we just buy the barrier for him not to fall off.”

Bed shopping was hard. But they got a bed, Sirius’ way.

“Does he really need a trolley?”

“He won’t walk all day when we go out and he is heavy. He does”

“Sirius but is it necessary? I can carry him, it's fine”

Trolley shopping was also hard. They got a trolley, to relief Remus of that weight.

“That shirt is too small.”

“Those are huge”

“Does he really need a shirt like that, Sirius? He is a baby, not a rock star”

Clothes shopping was also hard. But at the end, they got enough clothes for Harry, who was enjoying all this attention. 

The easiest part of the day was buying Harry toys. They just let him lose in the shop and let him pick what he wanted. Harry got three bags full of toys, and a deer plushie, courtesy of Remus.

At the end of the day, they got back when it was dark. Harry fell asleep in his new trolley and when they got home, they put the bags on top of the wooden table in the kitchen and went to sleep, in the same sleeping arrangement as the night before.


	3. The funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sorry I took so long to write this. I am currently in holidays and I was at the beach with my family and we didn't have internet and I didn't have much time to write either. I still did my best to get it done as soon as possible and here it is. Chapter 3, Enjoy!

The week that came after that was absolute chaos.

The first day consisted of mostly Sirius trying to show off his building skills and failing at building the frame for Harry’s bed, and Remus stepping in with the instruction manual and fixing everything, as he usually did. Then the same thing happened for some of the toys Harry had that needed assembling.

In the second day, they used their day, fixing up every detail of the house where Harry could have an accident. Sharp objects were put out of reach and a small door was put at each end of the staircase, making Harry unable to go down or up the stairs without help. They also started decorating Harry’s room, with some of Sirius’ old posters of some wizard rock bands and the Holyhead Harpies.

 

On the third day, they got a packet with most of the Potter’s things. Pictures, books, toys and clothes. But with that, a note with the time and place of their funeral.

“I don’t think we should take Harry, Sirius,” Remus said, “I doubt either of us will be able to take care of him as we...” He cleared his throat, “say goodbye.”

“He deserves to say goodbye too. They are his parents”

Harry was sleeping peacefully in his room, holding his deer close. He had gotten used to the house quickly and had accepted the two men as his family quickly but he still sometimes called for “mummy” and “daddy” in the worst of his tantrums.

Sirius and Remus were sitting against the wall, side by side, in front of the door to Harry’s room, in the hallway. They usually talked in random places like that. Their voices were low and serious.

“Would you be able to stop and stay put at _their_ funeral? Could you, Sirius? Because I sure as hell can’t. I haven’t been able to cry ever since. You got a day off, punching walls and screaming their names but I haven’t shed a tear yet. I hid in my room, hoping it would let me let it go but I couldn’t. I just sat there, in my bed, staring at the wall, feeling empty but then I realised we had to take care of Harry, I have been worrying about him ever since. I need a break. I need my emotions to catch up with me. I can’t let them go without me saying goodbye like I’m meant to, Sirius. I can’t.”

“Moony…”

“Unless you can find someone to take care of him, I don’t think we should take him with us, Sirius, sorry. You will cry for them too.”

“Remus, I can take care of Harry. You have been doing all of it this whole time. Let me show you I can take care of him. He will be fine with me. You deserve your moment. I had mine. We should all go.”

“Sirius…”

“Please, Moony.”

In the end, they decided that they were all going to go. Sirius was in charge of Harry if anything happened. They were all going to say goodbye to James and Lily.

The fourth day, they woke up early, with a gloomy mood that Harry sensed, staying quiet and suppressing his usual morning baby chatter.

They ate, quickly showered and then got dressed. The dressed Harry in a pair of jeans, a formal shirt and tried to comb his hair to the side. His hair was just as indomitable as James’.

Remus was wearing one of his best robes, a new navy blue one, that Sirius got him months earlier, for him to have something new because Sirius was always willing to use the Black fortune for his friend’s wellbeing.

Sirius was wearing the same robe, in a different colour. His was maroon. Underneath, both of them were wearing jeans and a white shirt.

When they were all ready, they met at the fireplace, Remus carrying Harry in his arms.

“I’ll take him, Remus.”

“You ready?”

Sirius sighed. “Come on, let’s go.”

Neither of them was ready to goodbye.

They made their way to the cemetery. It was a sunny day. They found the ceremony, composed of Dumbledore, McGonnagall and other Hogwarts teachers, Severus Snape, some of Lily’s friends from school, Remus and Sirius’ classmates and the only remaining of the two families, Petunia Dursley.

Albus spoke about James and Lily. How he was a great Quidditch player. How she was a great student. How they were brave members of the Order of the Phoenix. How much they provided, giving up their lives for the cause.

The other teachers spoke of their attributes and their quirks. All their adventures and all their mistakes. They spoke of everything that they were. Brave. Young. Intelligent. Responsible. Smart. Leaders. Black Hair. Red Hair. Hazel eyes. Green Eyes. In Love.

Dead.

The rest of the ceremony was too fast for either of them to process. While neither of them could believe where they were, Harry’s brain was at full speed, figuring out what happened. At the end of the funeral, they raised their wands into the air and then left, only Sirius, Remus and Harry staying behind.

Harry had behaved perfectly until everyone left. His face was wrinkled in concentration. Then, he saw a picture of his parents and cried, when it finally hit him. A little boy crying tears he never should’ve cried at that age. Tears he understood more than anything he did at that age. He tried to grab the picture as he cried out “Mummy…. Daddy” over and over again. He knew they were gone.

That’s when Remus broke. When he saw Harry being held in Sirius’ arms, as he cried out, he thought of everything they could’ve been.

Remus fell to his knees, holding his face in his hands, sobbing.

The sun was harsh and unforgiving. It was hot and bright, making everyone squint. Remus’ tears covered his hands and his green eyes were moist and full of pain.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry… Why you? Oh James, why? Look at us, how did we end up like this? Why do I have to be here? Oh, why?” He mourned out loud, punching the ground, over and over again. “Lily… you didn’t deserve this. None of you did. What am I meant to do? You were always smarter than me. You always knew what to do. Why did we end up like this? Why am I alive and you’re dead? You should be here, taking care of Harry. Look at him, how much he misses both of you. How….How did we end up like this? Lily… James…”

Remus continued there, on his knees, crying out. His knees were dirty with the dirt beneath him, his whole body shaking uncontrollably.

Harry was still crying when this happened. Sirius cried too. He was moved by the scene, everything was too much. His was a quiet, unheard mourn.

Remus didn’t show signs of stopping, even when Sirius fell to his knees too and hugged him tight, with Harry in between them, all three of them crying.

“We’ll take care of him for you,” He repeated to the memory of the Potters. “I promise.”

They stayed there, under the harsh sun, shaking and sobbing.

“I suppose you’re taking care of him now.” A cold voice said near them.

Sirius raised his head, and with his red eyes, he saw Petunia Dursley.

“Yes. So what?” He snapped.

“Thank you. I don’t what him.” She said, with her face full of disgust. “He looks exactly like his father. That idiot…”

“Don’t you dare… Talk about James Potter like that! He was a hundred times a better person than you and your stupid, fat husband and your bratty, shitty, spoiled kid will be all together! Thank you? Oh, you’re welcome fo taking this burden off you!” He said with a sarcastic tone.

“I was the one who took him off you! I was the one who begged to spare him from you and your stupid family! I was the one who didn’t allow him to live in that hell you call a home!”

Petunia looked offended and before she could answer, Sirius continued.

“Oh yes! I know about them and how bad you are, and they are. She told me! Your own sister! She wanted you two to be sisters again! But you and your stupid jealousy and your fear never allowed that! It’s too late! She’s gone! She was your sister! And here we are, you talking shit about her husband whom she loved and her son! You’re a fucking bitch! Get out of my sight and stop profaning the memory of Lily and James Potter in front of their two best friends and _their son_!”

Sirius was burning with rage. Remus, who was still on the ground, holding Harry was giving the Dursley the coldest look. She looked shocked.

“Come on, Padfoot. It’s either her or us and she doesn’t show signs of moving.”

They walked away in silence. The rest of the day was absolutely wordless. The small family of three travelled back to the small house where they served lunch for Harry and let him play in his room until he fell asleep. Sirius tucked him away in his bed and served a cup of tea for Remus and coffee for him, with Remus’ favourite chocolate.

He knocked on the other man’s door. He had locked himself in his room since they got back.

“Moony? Can I come in?” He asked. “You’ve been in there for ages.”

Remus didn’t answer but there was the sound of feet moving and then, the door opened.

“What is it?”

His friend looked tired and worn down. His eyes were red from crying and his hair was messy.

“I-I got some tea and chocolate for you. Can I come in?”

“Sure”

Sirius walked into the poorly lit room. He put down the two cups on his friend’s desk and sat down in the undone bed.

“Harry’s asleep,” He said as Remus sat next to him. He handed the cup of tea and the block of chocolate to Remus.

“Thank you, Sirius.”

“For what?”

“For everything. Letting me live here. Being my friend. Bringing me the tea and chocolate. Taking care of me every month. Bringing Harry here. Giving me a moment by myself back then. Taking care of Harry. Getting that bitch out of sight. Everything. Thank you, Padfoot.” He sighed.

“You sound so sappy. It’s fine, though.” He smiled at his friend.

Then, he did something unexpected. He grabbed Remus’ hand, linked his fingers with his friend’s and held it tight.

Remus jumped at the touch but he didn’t complain.

Neither of them did. They stayed the whole afternoon there.


	4. Before the moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry I took so long again! I have been super busy and I wasnt able to write at all. But I finally did and that's all that matters.  
> Also this is mostly a filler chapter and its probably crap because I was feeling like crap as I wrote it so feel more than welcome to give me all the feedback you have

The sun was just beginning to rise when there was a knock on the door. It had been a few days since the funeral and life was slowly getting back to normal, one day at a time. The sun’s rays were slipping through the curtains, slowly filling the house with light.

Remus was sleeping in his messy room, while Sirius was with Harry in his animagus form, due to one of Harry’s nightmares. Although he wasn’t able to get enough words out to explain it, they both knew what they were and where they came from.

There was another knock. The black dog opened one eye and slowly got up. It stretched and walked out of the dim lit room. By the time the door was open and a third knock was heard, a tall man with shoulder length hair was there.

Albus Dumbledore was there.

“Well, hello, Sirius. Did I disturb your sleep? I’m sorry.” He said with a deeply apologetic smile.

“No, it's fine…I mean, yeah but don’t worry. Remus and Harry are probably still sleeping, though.” He explained with a sleepy voice.

“Ah, yes! Remus. He needs to be here…we, uh…need to sort things out.”

“What is it?”

“Full moon is in a week.”

“Shit! Fine, I’ll go and get him, please take a seat, Professor.”

Sirius ran off with a worried look on his face. He raced up the stairs and frantically knocked on his friend’s door.

“Remus! Wake up! It’s important! Dumbledore is here! Wake up! Shit!” He yelled to the other side.

“L-let me sleep…” Remus said, dragging out the words, and covering his face with a pillow.

“Fuck! Wake up!”

“Sirius, if this is about breakfast, Quidditch or your hair I swear t-“

“It’s about you! Being a werewolf! Full moon! In a week!” He answered. The other man shot up and ran out.

“What?”

Sirius explained as they walked down the stairs to the living room. Harry was fast asleep still.

They took a second before walking into the room where the Professor was waiting for them, to catch their breath.

“Sorry, Professor. We’re here.”

“Good morning, Remus.”

“Would you like a cup of tea?”  He offered as a common courtesy.

Dumbledore gestured “No thanks” with his head and smiled through his silver beard. He queued the pair to sit down and cleared his throat to start the topic.

“I’m going to get straight to the point. The full moon is in a week. I told you, Sirius, that I and Minerva would be checking on you two, regularly. I want to make sure you know what you’re doing. You can’t allow Harry or anyone to be close to you during your transformation. What are you planning on doing?”

Remus and Sirius were concerned. Over the past week and a half, there couldn’t be a moment to sit down and even realise how close the full moon was. Between adopting a child and having to learn how to deal with him in a week, and the funeral of their best friends, time sped past the two like a Golden Snitch.

Remus looked at Sirius’ concerned face and then looked down in shame. Now he was the cause of the extra trouble. Usually before then, they would’ve been able to sneak out into some forest where they could roam around until it was over. Bur now there was a one-year-old to take care of as well. It was all his fault, along with many other troubles he had caused before.

Sirius, on the other hand, was already thinking of some way to get through it. He thought of the most likely thing to do. Find a babysitter.

“So, you don’t know?” Dumbledore asked after seeing how concerned they looked.

“I mean… I kinda have a plan but it’s like half figured…” Sirius offered. “I was thinking of getting someone to take care of Harry. We, I mean, he is never inside the house when it happens and I usually stay close to him for when he comes back. There’s this hidden forest around where Remus goes. I stay in a… a small hotel nearby.”

“And who would that babysitter be?”

“Uh… That’s the half I haven’t figured yet.”

Dumbledore sighed and he pushed his glasses back to their rightful place.

“Well, then. I know that the Weasley family… you remember them, from the Order’s meetings? Yes. They have a son who is Harry’s age… I am sure Molly would be more than happy to take care of Harry for a couple of days. She’s a lovely woman.” Dumbledore suggested.

But Sirius wasn’t going to give more responsibility to such a hardworking family. He barely knew them but he knew they had 6 boys and a 7th child in the way. He wouldn’t want to do that. Harry, as well behaved as he could be, was a still a challenge.

“No… She’s too busy.”

“Sirius, who else could it be?”  Remus broke the silence. His voice sounded guilty but decided.

“Remus, she’s got 6 boys to take care of. She doesn’t need a 7th.”

“Yeah but what other option is there? Do you know any because I sure as hell don’t”

Finally, they decided that Dumbledore would talk to the Weasley’s first to see if they could. Then, Sirius and Remus would organize things with them for Harry to go to the Weasley household in the morning of the full moon.

Molly Weasley answered immediately that she would be more than pleased to let Harry stay with her. She remembered them from the meetings. She said that Ron, her son, was looking forward to having a new friend.

The day came when Harry was to go to the Burrow. Harry said goodbye to the house, while in Remus’s arms. They carried the small bag of clothes with them as they travelled to their destination. Harry and Ron were introduced to each other and without much more, they were instantly friends.

The parting was easy. Harry got on with Ron quickly and he didn’t seem to have a problem letting go of Remus’ hand, which was shaky due to the anticipation of this crazy turn of events. Ron and Harry crawled their way into Ron’s room where they played with the worn down toys. Harry didn’t seem to mind at all, as long as he was always close to the deer with godfather gave him.

Remus sincerely thanked Molly and Arthur, who was off to work, and promised they would be back in a couple of days. Neither pair looked down on each other’s conditions. Nor the poverty or the werewolf situation.

Sirius and Remus transported back to Grimmauld Place, where they got ready for their own trip.

Moony and Padfoot, alone in the forest, just like the good old days.

The two of them, just like it was always meant to be.


	5. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Im back with another chapter here! I'm sorry I've been taking to long in between chapters but I have school and out of school activites plus I had the worst couple of days so I was completely unable to write. But here I am, I finished a new chapter and I might even end up uploading another one today if I have the time. Thanks and enjoy!

Those were the best days.

The days in which Remus and Sirius ran around, playing, in their animal form. Those were the days in which they felt the most alive. In which they felt like they felt all those years ago, when they would roam the outskirts of Hogsmeade together. Those were the days in which they forgot about the world. The days were it was only them, and the world disappeared.

All those times were a blur for them, mischief after mischief, were they only could remember the happiness they felt. Both of them used this as the memory to bring up a strong Patronus.

Sirius, unlike any other time, was the one to be level-headed in those situations. After all, he was the one who was more human then. Remus would lose control and depend completely on Sirius’ good judgement.

The days flew past them, in which Remus was a werewolf, and Sirius always had one worry on the back of his head: “How is Harry? Is he okay?”

He knew that it was pointless to worry about any of that since he couldn’t really do much about it but his mind was split in half, one part taking care of Remus and the other part worrying about Harry.

Taking care of two people was hard. Sirius had no idea how Remus managed.

The full moon was over and Remus fell asleep, that night, with a black dog next to him, for the last time until next month.

Remus was the first one to wake up that morning, with Sirius, as a dog, by his side. His scarred face as pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. He was tired, as he usually was after the full moon, but he felt happy. He felt as alive as he could. The memories of the last couple of days flooded his mind and made him smile.

The sun was just beginning to rise when Remus started to get dressed. It had now become an unspoken rule for them to make a bag with clothes for both of them to put on afterwards. They usually hid it before they transformed and came back to the exact place where they started, to pass the last night and then go home.

Remus had just put on his underwear when Sirius said behind him:

“Good morning to me!” He chuckled as Remus flustered as he started to put on his clothes hurriedly.

“It’s not as if I haven’t seen you in your underwear before. I have always had the opinion that yours is one of the best butts in the world. Notice I said ‘one of the best’ and not ‘the best’ because, of course, mine is the best butt in the world, undeniably.” Sirius reasoned as he got up and started to get dressed.

“Shut up, Sirius, my head hurts,” Remus growled.

“Well, then, aren’t you in your lucky day? This time, I didn’t forget to pack a water bottle and some aspirin, so get dressed and take it.” Sirius answered cheerfully. His concerns about Harry were still there, in the back of his head, since it was the first time there was a kid they had to take care of, but he was surely not going to voice them to Remus.

“Thanks, Sirius. You’re great.” Remus muttered. “Shit, my back hurts. I hate sleeping on the floor….”

“Well next time, we’ll do something about that. Okay?”

“Sure” Remus was tired and Sirius knew it. He also knew that he hated to be treated differently because he was a werewolf, including the way he was spoken to after the full moon. Sirius always spoke to him as usual, but in these instances, he didn’t expect a proper answer from his best friend.

“Ready to go?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah”

They transported back to Grimmauld Place, where Remus stumbled his way up the stairs and into his room, where he was going to rest for the rest of the day. Sirius closed the door and walked into the chimney, to pick up Harry. He hoped with all his might that Harry was fine.

“Hello, Sirius!” Molly Weasley greeted him, kindly.

“Hi, Molly! How’s Harry?” He asked.

“He’s great. He’s been having a great time with Ron and all the kids, they’re out in the yard with Arthur somewhere. How’s Remus?”

“He’s tired. He’s fine, though. We’ve been through this many times so we know the drill already.”

“Great, do you want to stay for lunch or are you going to take Harry now?” She asked kindly. He loved this atmosphere. The love that this family had was something he never experienced until he met James. The Weasley kids, as much as they were born in a poor household, were born into a warm and caring family.

“Oh, I’ll take Harry home. I don’t want to bother you any more than we already have…”

“Sirius, dear. Any of this has been a problem for us. All the boys are happy and Harry has behaved like an angel. We had no trouble whatsoever. It’s fine.” The red headed woman told him.

Sirius decided to stay for lunch. Arthur came back from a walk with the kids, soon after that. Sirius counted four ginger kids and a small chubby kid with black hair.

“Oh! You haven’t met the other boys! There’s Ron, whom you’ve seen. He’s Harry’s age. Then there’s the twins, Fred and George. They’re 3 years old. They’re troublemakers but it’s just something they do. Also, Percy is here. He’s quiet. He’s turning 7 next year. I’ve got another two but they’re both at Hogwarts. They’re coming back in three weeks for Christmas.”

There was a lot of boys in this house. How did Molly Weasley manage all of that, it was completely unknown to him.

“Padfoot!” A child’s voice called.

Sirius ran to meet Harry, who was also running towards him with his chubby legs. When they met, Sirius picked Harry up and hugged him tightly.

“Moony?” Harry looked at Sirius with a puzzled expression.

“He’s resting, Harry, you’ll see him later.” Sirius chuckled.

Sirius put Harry down and he ran back to where the other boys were. He managed to inform the Weasley clan that the man standing a few metres in front was Padfoot. Then, he grabbed the smallest Weasley boy by the hand and pulled him towards Sirius.

“This is Padfoot,” He said to Ron, his seemingly new best friend.

Sirius met with Arthur, thanked him and walked back towards the Burrow while the other three boys introduced themselves.

“Are you Harry’s dad?” One of the twins asked.

Sirius’ heart sank. How do you explain to a three-year-old that his friend’s parents are dead and that’s why you’re here instead?

Arthur interrupted. Bless that man.

“He is Harry’s godfather. He isn’t his actual dad, but he takes care of Harry now. So he is kinda like Harry’s dad, Fred.”’

That seemed to be enough for the little one, who muttered “Okay” with an understanding face and ran off to meet his mother with his twin by his side.

Lunch was Harry’s favourite part of the day. He explained to Sirius that Molly’s cooking was really good but he wasn’t allowed to tell that to Remus because he also liked what he cooked a lot.

He also told them about the games that they played. Apparently, Arthur taught them about this muggle game called “Football”. It was something like Quidditch but with one ball and on the floor.

Harry also told him about the twins. Just as he was explaining one of the many things he did with them, a spoonful of mashed potatoes flew aimed at Harry, hitting Sirius instead. George (apparently it was George, according to Molly’s words as he made him apologize) used a spoon as a catapult to throw food, something that all the boys found hilarious. Those two were truly a pair of troublemakers.

During that lunch, every concern that Sirius could’ve possible had was substituted with a sense of relief. Everything went as smoothly as it could’ve been and there was no need to worry about Harry. He felt the sense of family that the Weasleys had. He realised that Harry could live anywhere where that was possible. Whether it was with the Potters, the Weasleys or even Remus and himself. All of these places he counted as a family since he was welcomed by them.

“Thanks for that, Molly. The food was excellent” Sirius said.

The plates were already being scrubbed with magic and Harry’s stuff was already at Grimmauld place.

“Hey, kid. We’re gonna see Moony now. Say goodbye to Ron, Fred, George and Percy.”

Harry happily said goodbye, promising to come back soon in baby dialect.

“Say thanks to Molly and Arthur for taking care of you, Harry” Sirius indicated.

“Thanks for everything!” Harry said, genuinely.

“It’s okay, sweetie, come back whenever you like! Ron will be waiting for you!”

They stepped into the chimney and they were engulfed in green flames as they Floo travelled back to their own home.

When they arrived, Sirius indicated with a mischievous face that Harry should be quiet so he can surprise Remus. Harry, excitedly nodded and took his small shoes off.

They walked slowly upstairs and Sirius opened his best friend’s door, making sure it stayed quiet.

Then, Sirius signalled Harry to wait until the count of three and then jump on top of Remus.

Harry nodded.

Sirius counted to three with his fingers up.

One. Two. Three.

“MOONY!” Harry ran off and jumped on top of Remus, who groaned at the noise but then chuckled when he saw who it was.

“Hey, Harry!” He smiled at him as Harry jumped up and down in the man’s bed. “I missed you too!”

Remus smiled as he hugged Harry who was still excited to see, the one and only, Moony. Sirius smiled too and he leaned against the doorframe, enjoying the scene before him.

“Hey, I got him back,” He said to him.

“I can see that, dumbass.” He smiled.

That was when Sirius realised it, with the scene unfolding before his eyes.

Remus, Sirius and Harry, unlikely as it was, were already a family.

And odd one, but a family nonetheless.

They were family. They were home.


	6. The Howler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i know that most of the note sin my chapters are an apology for taking so long to update and its usually about school and homework and stuff but this time its literally just the fact that i caught up to Haikyuu and i finished reading the manga and im just super trash and i even wrote a song fic about it. so im just super sorry but here i have another shitty chapter that i hope y'all like

The Howler came in just as they were finishing dinner.

Remus had cooked one of his many great dishes, a simple plate of pasta, all homemade. Remus always had the best hands for cooking and for potions. At Hogwarts, he would always get the third best grades in their potions class, always closely behind Lily and Snape, even sometimes getting better results than Lily on some occasions. Sirius found that it was one of his best friend’s qualities because of everything it involved: pissing off Snape, creating great potions and helping Sirius, James and Peter with their, which meant they never did too bad in that particular class, it meant that Sirius could stare at Remus’ thin and agile hands with an excuse and it also meant that Remus could probably cook, which turned out to be extremely true.

Sirius found that it was one of his best friend’s qualities because of everything it involved: pissing off Snape, creating great potions and helping Sirius, James and Peter with their, which meant they never did too bad in that particular class, it meant that Sirius could st 

He remembered that day very well. It was almost Christmas and they were staying with James’ mother for the holidays. It was just mid-afternoon and it was snowing outside. James’ mum was taking a nap and they were getting hungry. It was only James, Remus and Sirius that day since both Lily and Peter were with their families.

Sirius always remembered how he suggested they cooked something and before James could react, Remus was already up and walking to the kitchen. He had said with a severe tone “No. You’ll burn the house down.” as he tied his hair back and started cooking. An hour later, they were eating homemade Christmas cookies, all made by Remus.

_“To Mr. Sirius Black._

_You are to present yourself in front of the Ministry of Magic on the 7 th of December, at 10 am, a week from now, to be questioned in the suspected leak of information that lead to the death of James Potter and Lily Potter and to defend the case of Harry Potter’s custody._

_Sincerely,_

_Ministry of Magic”_

Sirius spat out his food.

“WHAT?!”

Remus looked horrified. They had thought their problems were over and they could finally settle down but oh, boy, they were wrong.

“What is going on? Why…What? This is insane Remus what are we going to do?” Sirius screamed as he got up and punched the wall. Harry, even as a toddler, was able to sense something was wrong and started crying.

“I know, buddy… I know…its fine...Padfoot is okay, he’s just mad. He doesn’t want to leave you and neither do I. We won’t let them take you… It will be alright…” Remus had gotten up and had Harry in his arms and reassured the baby that it would be fine, even if he didn’t believe it himself completely.

Sirius stormed out of the room and walked upstairs to lock himself up in his room. There, he punched the walls, he kicked many things and finally, he broke down crying, again, like he had done many times in the last month or so.

It was so unfair. He was being blamed for their death again. It only took Dumbledore one simple spell to figure out he wasn’t guilty of anything and there was always the option of asking for Veritaserum. But the fact that people were able to believe that he could possibly betray his best friends’ trust to the point they got killed, was more than unbearable.

Why did people think he was a monster? Why didn’t people understand how much James’ meant to him? Why were people this horrible? He had lost everyone he cared for, except for Remus and now Harry, and they were planning on taking that away too. Taking him to Azkaban, leaving Harry with the stupid muggle family after he had begged and implored in front of Dumbledore, leaving Remus, the person he knew needed him the most, alone, back to whatever he used to do before he invited him into his house.

It was all too much…Too much to handle.

Sirius sat down in a corner, with his hands running through his hair, with his eyes shut and tears running down his face, time passing him by like another stranger in the street, someone who Sirius was not aware of.

“Sirius…”

Remus knocked on the door.

“Leave me alone….please, I already scared Harry and I might lose you and him and it’s not fair so please let me be on my own. I don’t want to see anyone.” Sirius said as he felt the lump in his throat return and cried once again.

“C’mon, Sirius. Let me in.” Remus remained calm, even if his world was also falling apart. It usually was like that, though, they took turns to break down in their bad days and to take care of each other. If Sirius was in the deep hole, Remus was there to pull him out, every time, and vice-versa.

“It’s not locked, I think…”

Remus gently pushed the door and came in with Sirius’ plate with the leftover pasta.

“I heated it up again. Harry is in his room, playing for a while.” He said as he sat down next to Sirius and handed him the plate.

“You should eat, Padfoot. You left most of the food untouched.”

There was a silence that was broken by the silent sobs that came from Sirius.

“I’m sorry…”

“Sirius…”

It was just like that night, them sitting next to each other, contemplating Harry’s and their future. But this time, was different. That night was about worrying how could they pull through this. This night was about whether they would even be able to.

“It’s just not fair!” He cried over and over. Remus understood exactly what he meant. Over the course of the last month or so, their lives got flipped upside down, life throwing them punch after punch, challenge after challenge. Just as they had thought they could finally settle down and work with what they had, another thing was thrown at them.

They had finally learnt how to deal with everything they had to deal with for now. They had accepted Lily and James’ death. They had accepted that Peter was a traitor, that he had killed the Potters. They had accepted that they were going to raise Harry from now on. Hell, they even figured out how to deal with Harry every full moon.

But this was a sick twist of fate. They had settled down already. Remus and Sirius’ were fine now. Harry was fine where he was. They even were planning on putting up the Christmas decorations that week. Now they had to concentrate on a trial that shouldn’t even be theirs.

“We’ll get through this. The same way we do all the time. We can do it.”

Sirius just sobbed, nodding while his hands covered his face. He suddenly threw himself into Remus’ arms and cried, as the other man held him.

It was a heartbreaking scene. Everything that could go wrong was going that way and both of them knew it. They hugged each other tightly, trying to reassure the other that it was going to be fine. It was them, Sirius and Remus, in a dark, poorly lit room, on their knees, holding each other as if their bodies were to fuse together, neither of them willing to let go, with a plate of cold pasta next to them.

They were there for a while until Sirius’ head was on Remus’ shoulder and his breathing was even. He was asleep. It usually happened, though. They would comfort each other until they were asleep. Harry was probably asleep too, Remus thought. He was probably spread out on the floor with his toys around him, but he was fine, that was what children did.

Remus shook Sirius’ shoulder until he woke up.

“Sirius, time to go to bed.”

The man groaned and nodded, sleepily, removed a strand of hair from his face and got up as Remus helped him.

They walked together to Sirius’ bed, where Remus, fulfilling a motherly role, took off Sirius’ shirt and shoes and ordered him to take off his pants and to go to sleep.

“Can you stay with me tonight?” Sirius asked, half awake, his consciousness walking the fine line between sleep and awareness. “Please…” He begged and made grabby hands like Harry did towards Remus, who sighed with a tired look in his face.

“Fine, give me a second, though, I have to tuck Harry into his bed.”

Minutes passed and Sirius was still half asleep, as much as his body, tired from all the tears and the grief, begged him to fall asleep. Remus appeared through the door and laid down next to Sirius.

This time, unlike other times, out of pure instinct, Sirius cuddled against Remus’ bare chest and pressed his face against Remus’ bare chest. This all felt natural to them. Remus wrapped Sirius’ body with his arms and rested his chin on Sirius’ head. They fell asleep like that, a small, tingling sensation burning in their skin, where the two bodies met.

As they both fell asleep, together, like that, embracing each other, they prepared themselves for the upcoming week, which seemed to be an uphill battle from now on.


	7. Fears and Concerns

It was the fifth day after they had gotten the Howler.

In those days, chaos had settled down as a routine thing for them. Usually the days consisted of waking up moody and tired, from overworking themselves the night before. Remus getting Harry from his room and Sirius serving coffee for the two adults and preparing a bottle of milk and toast for the toddler.

Then, after eating their breakfast on the kitchen bench, in a silence ruled by sleep, they would go to the living room, where their base of operations was, which was mostly, where the books, parchment, quills and ink were.

Since the arrival of the Howler, every day was dedicated to working on their case. Neither Remus nor Sirius would admit that the determination that kept them going every day was just an act to hide their fear behind.

Remus was scared that he could not do enough. He knew that Sirius needed his wit and his concentration to fix this. He was scared that even the best of his efforts would not be enough to save Sirius from going into Azkaban and if that worked, to keep Harry with both of them. But Remus’ biggest fear was that any of the outcomes would be his fault.

What if, his voice wasn’t as valid as everyone else’s because he was a werewolf? What if, his efforts, as much as they were his best shot, weren’t enough? What if Sirius ended up in jail? What if, Sirius was able to keep Harry, but Remus had to leave?

The Daily Prophet would most definitely write something about their case, considering the situation. There was a murder, supposed betrayal, and a kid being raised by two men. Oh how many copies they would sell that day!

Sirius was scared. He was scared because he had heard rumours about Azkaban. He had seen a Dementor once in his life and that was enough for a whole lifetime. He was scared because Azkaban was for criminals and he most definitely wasn’t one. But the thing that scared him the most was losing Remus and Harry.

Sirius’ heart broke a little every time he saw Remus concentrating over a book about Wizarding Laws. Sirius’ heart skipped a beat every time he heard Harry laugh or say “Moony” and “Padfoot” in between his childish giggles. He was scared that he would never hear that again. He was scared that he will never see Remus’ frown when he was concentrated or when he chuckled and looked at him amusedly when he did something stupid. He was scared of losing it all to a stupid rat and everyone’s need to blame someone for a murder.

So, the day after the Howler arrived, he was surprised to see that Remus was missing from his bed. He got up and saw that breakfast was ready, that Remus had made tea with toast for them, that Harry was already up and about playing with his toys and blabbering on about the games he could think of with his one-year-old mind and that Remus was already dressed he had written a bunch of notes that were in front of him at the kitchen counter.

“Okay. We’re going to get through this, right? This is how we start.” Remus started talking with a determined tone. “You are staying here right now, while I go to wherever I can find any type of book about laws, while you write letters to all the people in this list to ask them for help.”

Sirius looked up from his breakfast and locked eyes with his best friend.

“And, from now on, we’re going to be working on this until we have enough information for you to go to that court and get your ass out of Azkaban and get Harry to stay with us. I don’t want any whining. We’re working through this.” Remus said.

Sirius’ mind was racing.

_“Okay, so, it’s true that we agreed to work on this together last night but damn he’s already thought about everything. Also… what even happened last night? I mean, we literally slept together, in the same bed, holding each other. And I didn’t even find it weird. What is going on? He’s your best friend and you’re not even gay. But he still looks hot when he’s that determined and bossy. Holy shit, am I gay? Concentrate Sirius, you’ll figure that out later, first get your ass out of Azkaban before you figure your sexuality, damn it.”_

As he looked back on it two or three days later, he realised that all those thoughts were caused by how tired he was that morning and how awake Remus seemed, even if it was only 8 AM.

Over the rest of the days, Harry got to spend some time with Ron. Molly had heard about the trial that was to be held and she offered her help in any way possible. Remus’ brain thought on the best way to use that offer.

“Could Harry go over to play with Ron tomorrow? We’ve been working here quite a lot and he’s bored and restless because we can’t take him anywhere.” He asked. “Also, do you think you could write a declaration of any sorts that could help us?”

With Harry out of the way for a couple of hours each day, the two were able to concentrate on every book they had in front of them.

By the fifth day, as nerve-racking and tiresome it had been, they finally had enough points to fend for themselves during the trial.

It was late at night and Sirius couldn’t sleep. The next day was a day to relax and to go over the points Remus and Sirius had. All his fears were coming out at night to play with his thought and his emotions. Everything, every obstacle, every wall they had to face in order to get closer to the lives they wanted seemed ten times taller, ten times heavier.

He wasn’t going to mouth his worries to Remus, who himself was a nervous wreck, as far as Sirius could see.

It was even later at night and Remus still couldn’t sleep. He knew Sirius had the same problem before but an hour or so before, he had fallen into a deep sleep.

Remus went over every idea they had, over and over, inside his head.

“For Sirius: Dumbledore is coming to prove he didn’t betray James. A bunch of friends from our class are coming to let the Judge know that Sirius would rather die than betray James. There are laws that protect the accused. If everything fails, it is absolutely legal to request to be questioned under the influence of Veritaserum. For Harry: Sirius is his godfather. We have the paper signed by Lily and James that he is. In the will, Sirius and I are to take care of Harry. Molly and Arthur can testify how much we care about him. Hell, they should be able to see how much we love Harry!’

The last thought that came to Remus’ mind was:

“If they think a werewolf raising a kid is bad, what are they going to think about two guys raising a kid, one of whom was a werewolf?”

That night, both Sirius and Remus drowned in a pool of sweat, sticky bedsheets, concerns and fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is probably the shittiest chapter but I wasn't sure on how to continue exactly so I wrote this and I was keen on updating since I haven't updated in like two weeks but I think this is the best attempt at this chapter out of them all. Its really short as well, its over 300 words under my average but still. Hopefully I'll be able to write a better one next time  
> hope you liked it


	8. The Ministry of Magic's courtroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!! To make up for a lack of quality in the last chapter, for the fact that is was WAY too short and because I was inspired to keep on writing by the comments and stuff, I bring you a double chapter as an Easter Weekend Special! (idk where I got that from) So I really hope you like this chapter and I will bring part two of the trial hopefully sometime this week!

It was the morning of the trial.

Remus woke up five minutes before his alarm was due to go off. Outside, the sun was just starting to come out but most of the light was hiding behind grey clouds that meant rain. “Great,” He thought to himself. “Even the weather is appropriate for the day.”

Remus got up from his bed and gathered his clothes to get dressed. He sighed. He was going to get things moving first but he was going to allow Harry and Sirius to sleep a little bit more. As he walked down the hallway to go and have a shower, he sighed. It was going to a really long day.

He quickly showered, his sleepiness covering his anxieties and fears that would most likely overwhelm him later during the day. As soon as he was ready, he knocked on Sirius’ door to wake him up.

“Padfoot. Get up.” He said as he opened the door after a few moments without an answer.

In his bed, Sirius was sleeping. His hair was partially in his face, covering his peaceful expression. Sleep had relieved the burdens that Sirius carried, at least for the night, and Remus wished his face could always be like that. He wished that every problem that Sirius had to face had never happened, so he could look at a face that looked at fresh as his best friend’s.

“Wake up, Sirius.” He said softly as he shook his friend by the shoulder. “You need to get ready.” Remus felt guilty for waking him up and disturbing his peace as he saw Sirius flinch. “Today’s the day.” He told him before he turned around and left. “I’ll go and make breakfast and then I’ll get Harry ready.”

He heard Sirius shifting around in his bed, possibly sitting up. Sirius said, with a sleepy, nervous but jokingly nonetheless:

“Shit, Remus it’s not as if I’m going anywhere. Can you make omelettes today?”

“Shut up, Sirius, get ready.” He said and if anyone else heard him say it, they would’ve thought Remus was angry, but Sirius knew better: he was trying to keep a straight face, like he always did in those instances where the jokes Sirius made were not appropriate for the moment but were still funny.

Remus walked down the stairs and prepared the best breakfast his hands were able to make. He prepared himself coffee, and made Sirius hot chocolate, the way that he knew he loved it. He prepared a bottle of milk for Harry and then prepared omelettes. He wasn’t sure what the outcome of the day would be but he was going to give Sirius a good breakfast, whether it was to make him remember something good or to give him a good start of the day.

As the omelettes cooked, he toasted some slices of bread. When those two things were done, he walked up the stairs to prepare Harry for the day that was to come.

Harry didn’t complain or even make a sound as Remus got him out of bed and picked him up. His hair was messy and sticking up in odd places and the corner of his mouth had a little drool coming out of it. He was exactly like James was. When he was in Remus’ arms, he hugged his neck and kept on sleeping while he was being carried.

“Hey, buddy. Time to wake up. Here, have your breakfast.” He said as he put Harry down in his chair. Harry, who was usually talkative, was quiet. It was way earlier than the usual waking up time and like Remus, if this was the case, it would take some time before his brain started processing words.

Sirius showed up wearing his best clothes. His shoulder length hair was tied back into a tidy ponytail. His clothes were the highest quality available and his robe was the most expensive one. Every piece of clothing was black, except for his shirt. He looked nothing like the usual Sirius Black but he looked just as handsome.

Breakfast went on quietly, Sirius thanking Remus for his godly breakfast before silencing himself, noticing both Remus and Harry were tired and quiet.

“Shall we?” Sirius asked after Remus had finished dressing Harry.

So, they left their apartment and walked to the closest telephone booth that lead to the Ministry of Magic. All three of them, Harry being carried by Sirius, got in and Remus typed 62442 on the dial pad. As they slowly went down, Remus’ nerves caught up to him and made him feel sick.

His face must’ve gone pale because Sirius immediately noticed and asked him, with a concerned expression on his face:

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah… I’m fine. It’s all good. I’m just… Never mind, it’s nothing.” He answered, stumbling with his words.

“What is it?” His best friend asked, knowing him way too well and being able to read him like a book. “I know you. You’re lying.”

“I’m just really scared.” He muttered.

Sirius looked at him, trying to figure out what to do. Finally, a few seconds later, Remus felt a familiar hand interlace its fingers between his and then Sirius squeezed his hand. As much as it didn’t do much for Remus’ nerves, it made him feel as if the weight of the worry was being shared between them two.

The walk to the courtroom was only relevant to Harry, who was still not used to the green flames engulfing people, or any of the displays of magic that happened around him. His head would move from side to side, his eyes choosing to follow one thing before a new one crossed his path.

When they arrived at the circular room, all the members of the jury were chatting amongst themselves, waiting for the time to arrive. It was around 9:55 and the court were due to start in 5 minutes or so.

People walked in through the doors, people who were there to watch, ministry officials who were there because it was their job and even people from the Daily Prophet. There were many people there but there were only Sirius and Harry by his side.

But the moment Molly Weasley walked in through the doors, Remus felt that help was slowly coming his way and as much as he had the feeling that it would be an uphill battle but he needed someone to be with him. He wasn’t sure he would make it on his own. All three of them

“Please take your seats.” Said a strict looking man, who looked in his mid-70’s. He was wearing a long, pointed hat and this mixed with his clothes, made him look official.  “The case is about to start.”

As soon as this happened, Remus pulled Sirius into a tight hug before they had to part ways, Sirius sitting in the centre of the room, while Remus and Harry were to sit in the seats around him.

The strict looking man who turned out to be the judge, started by reading out the names of the people who were to decide the outcome of the case today. Then he read out why they were there today.

“Sirius Black, present here today, is charged with suspicion of the alliance to the Dark Lord and involvement in the murder of Lily Potter and James Potter. The accused has chosen to defend himself.

Sirius Black, is also here to fight for the custody of Harry Potter, whom James Potter and Lily Potter named his godfather but has not proven to be capable of dealing with childcare yet.”

Remus prepared himself. “This is it.” He thought to himself as he held Harry in his arms. “Now we see what’s going to happen from here on.”

The man, whose name was Livius Bragge, continued on with the formal procedures, and then asked Sirius if he was sure that he was going to fend for himself, read out the charges and then said:

“Mr. Sirius Black, you are accused of working with the Dark Lord. These charges are based on the knowledge that all of your family have been proven to Death Eaters. Many of the other suspected Death Eaters have mentioned the Black family multiple times. Your family also has a deep conviction on the position of purebloods over the rest, making it something that the Blacks and the Dark Lord had in common. What can you say in your defence?”

Sirius defended himself perfectly, the way they had rehearsed many times. Every quill in the room started moving simultaneously, every person taking notes, except for Remus and Molly, who were sitting down anxiously. Sirius looked nervous but he never lost his composure while talking. He spoke about his personal values and his beliefs and how he was a member of the Order of the Phoenix, how his main focus during the war was to take Voldemort down. He spoke about how as perfectly founded their suspicions were, he should not be judged based on his family’s actions. It was all going as well as it could be, until the judge asked:

“This Order of the Phoenix that you speak of, what proof of their actions is there? Is there any proof of your involvement?”

That’s when Remus realised that Dumbledore wasn’t there.

“The Order of the Phoenix’s objective was to defeat the Dark Lord. Some of the members are currently present and their leader, Albus Dumbledore, should be able to provide more detail about it. Those members of the Order of the Phoenix include Remus Lupin and Molly Weasley.”

“May Remus Lupin and Molly Weasley stand up?” He asked.

The two mentioned stood up automatically.

“Is this true? Can you testify that Mr. Black’s word is true?” Molly and Remus nodded.

“Is the leader of the Order of the Phoenix, Albus Dumbledore, present?”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Sirius’ face dropped, when he realised that his most heavily relied on ally wasn’t present.

“The jury will then make a decision based on the evidence and points you have presented.”

Remus felt his world crash down. This was not enough. He whispered “Fuck.” Under his breath he whispered “Fuck.” And then the Judge spoke again.

“Now, we shall move on to the next set of charges. The betrayal of James Potter and Lily Potter and the passing of information to the Dark Lord that may have led to their murder.”

Remus panicked. He saw Sirius’ face contract with pain at the mention of betrayal and then Sirius said with a panicked voice.

“May I request that the rest of the questioning is done under the influence of Veritaserum? It should be enough proof if I can't speak anything but the truth.”


	9. Veritaserum

“May I request that the rest of the questioning is done under the influence of Veritaserum? It should be enough proof if I can't speak anything but the truth.”

 _Shit._ He’d fucked up. Like really badly. Sirius wanted to beat himself up for being so stupid.

He had kept a clear head all through the first part of the trial and, as far as he was concerned, he probably did a great job defending himself, even when Dumbledore wasn’t there to help.

But then, when Livius Bragge had mentioned the betrayal of Lily and James Potter, he had lost his mind, as he usually did since it had all started.

He panicked. His clear vision and mind got suddenly cloudy and his razor-sharp judgement, the one that had probably gotten the first set of charges of his back, was gone.

He had panicked. And the judge possibly saw that. He had panicked and reacted the only way he knew he could at that moment, the clouds in his thoughts laying a clear path in front of him, a path that he wasn’t sure he wanted to walk, now that his mistake hit him.

He had panicked and he knew that Remus was scared now. Because Sirius was too. He felt Remus’ eyes piercing him, the fear in those green eyes making him be more scared. He was scared of losing Harry. He was afraid of losing Remus.

Sirius was afraid.

“Excuse me?” The judge said.

“Um… I want to continue the questioning under the influence of Veritaserum…” He said, with doubt in his voice.

“What makes you think that would be possible, Mr. Black?”

“I-I read that it is possible that interrogations are done with Veritaserum. It’s a law. Most people have forgotten it, though. I just have to consent.”

“Where exactly did you read that, Mr. Black?”

Sirius told him where to find the rule that allowed him to do that. He sighed and sunk in his chair in the middle of the courtroom. He had to do this now, there was no turning back.

He had clearly shocked everyone with his petition. As soon as he asked, the whole room went silent. The sound of quills scratching parchment ceased and the judge had to take a second to process what had happened before clearing his voice and pretending he was in absolute control of the situation.

At least the Daily Prophet was going to have a good story the next day.

“Mr. Sirius Black wish to be interrogated under the influence of Veritaserum is confirmed to be legal and possible and will be conceived to him. The courtroom will take a 10-minute break to acquire said substance and then will continue.”

Everyone in the room stood up, to stretch their legs or to talk to the people near them. Remus, while Molly held Harry, ran to where Sirius was standing and hugged him tight.

“You idiot…”

“I’m sorry…”

“Never mind, Sirius, make it work though.”

And that was enough for Sirius. That hugged pulled him back together, allowing him to continue. He had fucked up a lot but he had to fix it, he had to accept the consequences. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to put up a fight. He was determined to keep Remus and Harry close for as long as he was able to.

“Thanks.” He whispered as he buried his face in the crook of Remus’ neck.

As they were hugging, he felt two little arms wrap around his leg. Harry wanted to the part of the family hug.

They were a family, after all.

“Come here, buddy.” Remus said as he picked him up and made him join.

They stayed there for a few minutes, until one of the members of the jury spoke:

“The case will now continue. Please take your seats.”

Remus let go and put Harry down.

“Good luck, idiot.” He smiled with a worrisome look.

“I can’t really request to drink Felix Felicis, can I?” Sirius replied with his usual smirk.

Everything from there to the moment he was answering questions was a blur. He sat down, with his heart beating hurriedly in his chest, making his head pound. Then, somehow he drank the Veritaserum, and he wasn’t able to lie anymore.

They started by asking basic questions, such as his name and his birthday. Every word seemed to come out of Sirius’ mouth before he could process what he was being asked or what he was going to answer. Under the pressure he was in, it would’ve been impossible to even try to lie.

“Has your family consistently supported the Dark Lord and the Death Eater’s actions?”

“Yes.”

Sirius started sweating nervously. This was it. He was at the mercy of the judge and the people surrounding him. Everything he said from now on would be considered and reviewed. He couldn’t mess up, not now.

“Has your family ever shown deep concerns for blood purity in the wizarding world?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know people who might have been involved with the Dark Lord or even had been Death Eaters?”

“Yes.”

“What are your views on the Dark Lord and blood purity?”

“I wish I could punch him in his face. I wish I could get my hands on him. I wish I could make him pay. He deserves the worst of punishments. He killed my best friends. He made my other best friend turn to the dark side. He killed so many innocent people. Vol…The Dark Lord, “He corrected himself. “ Has done so many things he should pay for. I wish I could make him pay.”

“What do you mean by ‘made my other best friend turn to the dark side’?

“Peter was always a coward. We always knew it. We didn’t care, though. He was weak and defenceless and yet he was still our friend. He was one of us…. And that bastard betrayed us. He betrayed the Order, he betrayed Dumbledore, he betrayed us, his friends. He betrayed James and Lily. That fucking bastard…” Sirius cried. He had a few tears rolling down his face and he had a huge knot in his throat.

“Who is this Peter you speak about?”

“Peter Pettigrew. Ask anyone. He was one of us. Best friend. Brother. He was a coward though. That rat. As soon as he saw someone with more power than him, he turned to serve him. Why? Fuck you, Peter, you cowardly rat!” He screamed as he punched his leg and sobbed.

“How did he betray Lily Potter and James Potter?”

“We thought it was a good idea. We really did. Lily was scared that the prophecy was about Harry, so James did some research. He decided to go with the Fidelio enchantment. We pretended that I was the secret keeper, the only one who knew where James and Lily and Harry were. That was only a month before it happened… We did that, but then James made Peter the secret keeper, because… Who the hell would think that someone like him would be trusted with such important information? But James did and then that bastard ran off and found him and told him where the Potter’s were… I hate him!”

“Mr. Black, are you aware that Peter Pettigrew has been reported missing since the Potter’s were murdered in Godric’s Hollow?”

“He’s just hiding! He’s hiding!”

“Mr. Black, would’ve you ever betrayed James or Lily Potter?”

Sirius couldn’t control himself anymore.

“Never! I would rather die than ever dream of giving them up to him. There is no way I would ever do anything to anyone. Ever. I’m so tired of people asking if I betrayed James. I loved James. He was my brother. We grew up together. He and his family took me in as another one of them when my mum kicked me out for not supporting Voldemort. “He heard gasps everywhere in the room but he couldn’t care less. Whether it was the potion or just him speaking, there was no way he could stop. His dam had broken and all the water was pouring out. “Mark my words. I would much rather die, get tortured or anything else before I betray any of my friends and allies.”

“How is Peter Pettigrew hiding? Everyone has been looking for him everywhere.”

The potion spoke for him before he could try to make himself stop taking, in between hiccups and sobs.

“He’s an animagus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried. i really did. it's probs shit anyway (i'll eventually get a chapter out that im at peace with)
> 
> i'll get another chapter out soon (i'll work on the next one tomorrow)
> 
> also, sorry for the cliffhanger from last chapter (and if this chapter counts, sorry for this one too)
> 
> thanks for reading


	10. The Verdict

“Second fuck up of the day, Sirius. Keep it up. We should totally add it to the list of things that might send you to Azkaban” Remus thought bitterly.

But he couldn’t blame him. The first one, had been his emotions playing a game with his mind and the panic overcame his rational side. He knew that. He knew Sirius well enough to know that. And the second time was all the fault of that stupid potion. All the trouble that he was sure they had overcome (because even if Sirius was being interrogated, it his problem as well) had soon been replaced by bigger, deeper trouble.

“What do you mean, Mr. Black? There are only 8 registered animagus in Europe at the moment and Peter Pettigrew is not one of them.” The judge asked with a stern and concerned voice.

Sirius’ face was pale. There were tears on his face, his eyes were red but his expression voiced every fear that his mouth wasn’t allowed to speak.

“The Ministry of Magic is aware that my only remaining best friend, Remus Lupin, is a werewolf. During his school years, Dumbledore found a way to still allow him to stay in school, without putting any of us in danger. Basically, there is a passage that leads to the Shrieking Shack, in Hogsmeade and they would take him there. Eventually, we found out, James, Peter and I, about it and we wanted to make his pain go away. We wanted to be there with him. So we turned into animagus. All three of us. James was a stag, I can turn into a dog, and Peter is a rat. Well suited, eh?”

Everything was going downhill. Everything. Their world was crashing down to pieces. Sirius and Remus’ secret, memories of their glory days when James was still with them and Peter was still just a small boy who looked up to them. They were all about to be corrupted by the most painful sentence: Azkaban.

He was sure that the judge was going to send Sirius to Azkaban. He was absolutely sure about it. The judge just had to say the word. And there was no doubt that he was going to say it.

Remus jumped at the sound of the doors opening, too lost in his thought to realise until he saw him.

Dumbledore was standing, with his long, silver beard, on the door. It could’ve been only Remus’ imagination or it was actually true but there seemed to be a halo of light around the old man. The man that held the last hope of Sirius staying out of Azkaban. He was the key speaker. The key advocate. They needed him. And he had arrived at the perfect time.

“Excuse, Mr Bragge, with all due respect, I’m sorry that I’m late but I’m sure you will still allow me to testify in Mr. Black’s name.”

“Well…”

“Will there be any problem or not?”

“I mean… There shouldn’t be any…”

“Great. Well, let me get started. Yes. We did have a secret association, of which I am the leader, called the Order of the Phoenix. Yes. We fought against Voldemort. And, most certainly, Sirius Black was involved in the activities and requirements that the Order asked him to do, relentlessly. Himself and a few others we’re the most active members. I can list many names who fought alongside Mr. Black, such as Remus Lupin, Molly and Arthur Weasley, Frank and Alice Longbottom and Lily and James Potter.”

Silence fell over the room as Dumbledore spoke so calmly and softly. He never lost his composure and it seemed as if he knew exactly what he was doing.

“As Headmaster of Hogwarts, I have seen Sirius Black grow up, since he was 11 until now. I now for a fact that he would never do anything to harm Lily or James. And I also know for a fact that he would never turn to the dark arts. Now, Mr. Bragge, I believe that Mr. Black has provided you with letters and testimonies from his classmates, I have spoken and he has told you this under the influence of Veritaserum. I believe those charges pressed against him, accusing him of betraying the Order of the Phoenix and, Lily and James Potter, can be removed.”

And as if every word that Dumbledore spoke was a magical spell that bounded whoever heard the words obey him. Swiftly, the old man obeyed and declared the charges against Sirius removed.

That felt like the biggest weight was lifted off his shoulders. Sirius sighed in relief, he had been petrified since he told the judge that they were animagus and had not been able to react to Dumbledore’s appearance. He looked to the side where Remus and Molly were sitting with Harry, and saw Remus’ relax with relief and saw Molly smile at the sudden turn of events.

But they still had to solve the whole “I may have told the judge that I’m an illegal animagus” part and then battle for Harry’s custody. There was still a lot to go before they were free. And it was not even midday.”

“Yes, Dumbledore, you are completely right. But Mr. Black has just admitted being an illegal animagus. He needs to the prosecuted for that.”

“Mr. Black is there anything you can say in your defense?”

Sirius sighed, although the effects of the Veritaserum were wearing off, he was going to the completely honest in his opinion. He had to. If it meant going to Azkaban, he knew that it would be because he helped Remus for over 8 years of his life. He didn’t want to lose Harry, with his black hair and green eyes, or Remus, with his knitted sweaters, books and coffee, or even Molly and Arthur with their packed home and red-haired boys, but his best shot that keeping all of that were playing every single one of his cards. Sirius was going to say everything he had to. He wasn’t going to go anywhere without a fight.

“In my defence, your honour, I only did it because I couldn’t allow my friend to suffer. Neither could James. That’s why we turned into animagus. Because Remus was suffering every month and we wanted to be with him. His life was already bad and shitty because of the way everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, is to werewolves even if they have literally done anything wrong at all. They are also humans and they deserve to be treated normally and not like the wizarding world treats them right now. And we knew that. We knew how shitty it could’ve been for Remus, and we are all so glad because Dumbledore found a way to keep Remus in school but it was still bad for him. So we wanted him to be better. The best of our memories happened during the full moon. We only did it because we wanted to be with our friend and help him out.”

“Okay… The jury will review your words, Mr. Black. Now this presents a huge concern towards the next reason why we’re here: Harry Potter’s custody.”

This was it. Now, he was to fight tooth and nail for everything he didn’t want to ever let go of. He wanted to be a family with Remus and Harry. They were working on it, but they had accepted their fate and they loved Harry. They wanted to be there with him. He needed Harry with him as much as Harry needed Sirius.

“Considering that Mr. Lupin is a registered werewolf, and he is currently living in your house, number 12 Grimmauld Place, and that you have admitted that you use your animagus form to be with him during his transformation, there are concerns about your ability to take care of Harry Potter.”

Sirius was going to speak but he wasn’t able to stop the old man from speaking.

“We are also concerned by the fact that, both of you are in your early 20’s and possibly have no idea how to raise a kid, especially a wizard. I am aware that he was meant to live with his muggle relatives, but you interfered?”

“Yes, sir. I did.”

“May you please defend yourself against these points? Remember that this is to help the jury decide whether you and Remus Lupin will keep custody over Harry Potter.”

“Mr Bragge, there are no words to describe how much I care about Harry. I have been there since he was born. I am his godfather. James and Lily trusted me with that. I would visit the Potter’s every week and so would Remus. We would usually go together. We want to take care of him. During the past few weeks, we have truly become a family. He is one of us now. He can say a few words and he calls us by our nicknames. I am sure you can see that he means a lot to me and Remus and he does love us, with his little toddler heart.”

Sirius could not stop once he got started. He was going to speak.

“With the whole ‘Remus being a werewolf’ thing, we asked Molly Weasley, here present, if she could take care of Harry for a few days. In there, he was well cared of and he even made a few friends. The Weasley family have helped us in that aspect.”

“And lastly, Mr. Bragge. I must tell you that I would never be able to do any of this without Remus. He decided that we should buy books on raising kids, and we have been working with that. Although we don’t have experience, neither do first-time parents. Oh! And I took Harry away from the muggles because they are horrible people. Send anyone to observe them for a day and you’ll see it. And I’m his godfather and I should be able to decide who my godson lives with. I have that responsibility and I owe that much to James and Lily.”

The old man’s face remained cold and hard during all of Sirius’ speech. Sirius, on the other hand, had already collected himself quickly, and had calmed himself, allowing him to speak and make his points clearly.

When Sirius was finished, the judge only said: “The session will take a 5-minute break to decide on a verdict on Mr. Black’s charges and to decide who will have custody over Harry Potter.”

The last five minutes. A lot was to be decided in such a small amount of time.

Sirius had said everything he could say, he had used every tool he have prepared and voiced every thought he could classify as useful.

Remus and Molly were standing next to him, each to a different side of him, in silence. He felt a familiar and warm hand joining his, as a way of reassuring one another. This was the hand that had held him at his worst and this was the hand he had wished to hold when it was in the worst of moods. This was the hand that represented home. This hand was callous, thin, bony and warm. It was the hand that he wished to hold forever. He wanted to hold Remus’ hand for the rest of his days.

He needed Remus to be with him, he couldn’t do anything on his own. He longed for the way Remus made up for everything that Sirius lacked. They were two halves, as far as Sirius knew, and he needed his other half to be with him to continue to function.

“Please return to your seats. The verdict, decided by the jury will be read.”

This was it. The moment the last week had been about. Remus let go and took his seat. So did Sirius, who sat on his chair in the middle of the courtroom. He waited anxiously.

“The jury has decided that the following charges pressed against Sirius Black are withdrawn: association with the Dark Lord and Dark Arts, and betrayal and passing of information to the Dark Lord that lead to the murder of James and Lily Potter.”

Sirius was relieved. But only for a moment.

“Sirius Black is to share custody over Harry Potter with Remus Lupin and their ability to raise a child will be assessed every 6 months until the court decides otherwise.”

“Lastly, due to the newly found information, regarding Sirius Black being an admitted illegal animagus, he is sentenced to Azkaban for 5 days, as punishment for infringement of the law.”

The hammer banged on the table and the decision was definite.

He was off to Azkaban.

 

 


	11. Azkaban

****

It was the worst 5 days of Sirius’ life. There was no doubt about it. Although there were tales about what Azkaban did to you and what it was like, none of them did it the justice it deserved. It was worse than the worst stories that anyone could ever tell about Azkaban.

He was locked up in a wet, dark and mossy cell made out of stone. Sirius wasn’t sure exactly where he was at all. Where in the world was Azkaban? No idea. Where within Azkaban was he? There was no way to tell.

Sirius, as far as he knew, could be on the lowest floor or the highest. There was no way of telling. There were no windows and the door that only opened once a day to provide him with hard bread and a drink of water was also made of heavy stone.

It was the worst 5 days of Sirius’ life because every bad moment played on repeat, every minute of every day, non-stop. And it felt as real and as new as when it had happened.

He remembered his parents yelling at him, for the first time. It was only when he was 6 but he remembered it clearly. He had gone out with his brother, to the park near their house, and had met a half-blood boy. They quickly counted on each other as friends, at least for the afternoon, and played together until Regulus told him that they had to go. He clearly looked uncomfortable when Sirius told him that they boy was not a pureblood wizard.

As soon as they got home, Regulus had told him to go to his room. Then he heard some whispering and heard the harsh voice of his mother calling him urgently.

The rest, as they said, was history. Both his parents yelled at him, while his brother stood there, watching. He felt betrayed by his brother, he felt scared of his parents, and he felt confused because he didn’t get what he did wrong. It was the first of many bad memories that resurfaced over and over again during those five, dreadful and long days.

Sirius remembered when he finally was able to understand his family. It happened in his first year at Hogwarts. It was then when he realised what it had all meant. What exactly it was. He learnt about blood purity, he learnt about dark magic and evil wizards. He learnt about threats and he learnt about what Slytherin was back then. All of it at once. Ever since that day at the park, every single one of his actions was controlled by his parents, which made him be isolated in a cold, solitary world in which a small slip up when expressing his opinions meant yelling from his parents.

He remembered when he finally understood about evil, and how his family was in the middle of it.

All those memories regarding his family assaulted his thoughts every day, without end.

But there were more recent memories in between his thoughts.

He remembered when he found out that Lily and James were dead. He remembered what he felt. It felt so real inside that small cell. Everything that he had felt them was there again, as if it had never left.

Those were the worst five days of his life, not only because negative thoughts flooded his mind, but also negative thoughts and feelings were there.

Sirius wasn’t aware of time passing. Each minute stretched itself until it no longer felt real. The moment he forcedly set foot in that cell, he first felt himself being emptied of everything good he had ever felt. Every smile was gone, every laugh was over, every ounce of happiness that Sirius had and was to experience was gone and was no longer to be found. He felt hollow and empty. And a second later, that space that his happiness had left behind, was filled suddenly and too quickly, with sadness and misery, like a dam breaking all at once.

Each one of those five that, he spent in a corner of his hard, cold cell and he did not touch his food one bit. He sat in that corner, crying, whimpering, cursing and feeling miserable. Unthinkable thoughts assaulted his mind, whether it was a nightmare or when an intruding thought when he was awake.

It was the worse five days.

He was in Azkaban.

During those small moments in which his mind seemed to be slightly less cloudy and rainy, clear enough for him to think about something else but the emotions that he felt, his mind would automatically turn to Remus. How was he doing? Was he okay? Was he worried about him? What would his reaction be when he got home? How was Harry? How was he dealing with Harry on his own?

All these questions, and many more flooded him until his insecurities, which he wasn’t sure whether they were caused by the dementors or they were always there but were now magnified, came out to play. Each question got an answer. Remus was fine. He wasn’t worried about him. He would probably look at Sirius with disdain when he got there. Harry was fine, he could get used to being with Moony, only. Remus was able to deal with Harry without help. It was all good and he wasn’t needed.

That was probably the worse train of thought his mind could conduct. Sirius was sure he was going to go insane in that place.

­­­­­______________________________________________________________________­­­­­­­____________

Sirius was home now and it was all that mattered at the moment.

The food that he had cooked was getting cold and Sirius’ escorts were getting impatient but it didn’t matter at all.

He was home.

Remus felt his eyes burning as they started shedding tears of happiness. He felt the shorter male drop to his knees and start sobbing when he felt Remus’ arms around him and Harry jumping on top of him.

Oh, God. How he missed hugging that body. How he had missed the scent that Sirius’s skin naturally had. How he had missed Sirius’ long hair and the way he tied it into a ponytail, or the way that small strands of hair fell over Sirius’ face after a while. How he had missed Sirius.

But there was something different about him. Azkaban had clearly changed him, Remus noticed. Something was off about him, maybe it was that he had lost weight, or that his face looked paler and thinner.

All three of them, Harry, Remus and Sirius, stayed together on the floor, with the door open, sobbing and holding each other, trying to convince themselves that he was here. Sirius was back home.

When they were able to pull themselves back together, they dismissed Sirius’ escorts and closed the door.

Oh, how had Remus missed all of it.

It had only been five days but it had been the worse five days he could imagine.

He had missed Sirius’ comments, sarcastic remarks and loud laughter that usually followed.

He had missed looking at Sirius when he was playing with Harry, and was so concentrated and invested with whatever Harry was blabbering on.

He had missed those sleepless nights in which he had felt particularly alone until he heard Sirius’ give a loud and sudden snore that ended as soon as he finished. He missed having that prompt that lead him to imagine Sirius sleeping with his hair everywhere and his mouth half open.

He had missed those night when the only solution to their problems was the other.

It had only been five days but hell, Remus had really missed Sirius.

They let go of each other.

“I missed you both so much.” Sirius sighed. His face was puffed and his eyes were red from crying.

“I did too”

The living room was warmly lit, the fireplace was lit, reminding them both of the Gryffindor common room. Sirius noticed that Remus and Harry had put up a banner that read in messy, colourful letters: “Welcome home, Padfoot”. There was a drawing of a big, black dog, courtesy of Harry.

There was also the smell of food, whatever Remus had made. If there was any place to be the complete opposite of his Azkaban cell, this was it.

“What did you make, Moony?”

“Eat this first.” Remus answered.

He handed the shorter man a block of chocolate. Sirius took a bite of it, which only made him feel better.

“I read that chocolate is the best way to recover from being around dementors. Also, I love chocolate so I thought it would do you good to eat some…” He told Sirius.

Although, this was the happiest night he had ever had, especially after the other awful ones, Sirius still didn’t quite feel right.

There was something off and Remus noticed it too. There were all little things, like the fact that Sirius wasn’t speaking as much or the fact that he was drinking more firewhiskey than usual, or the fact that it seemed as if he was trying hard to smile and laugh, it just seemed too forced.

They ate, Remus doing most of the talking, filling him up on the latest news, like the fact that Lucius Malfoy was free and his trial had gone his way or that Harry got some colouring pencils from the Weasley’s while Sirius nodded and smiled and made small comments. He laughed at Harry’s

It was a pleasant night. Sirius was finally back home, and their family was once again, back together. The evening passed as it would have, this feeling that the missing piece of the family was complete flooding the room and the atmosphere.

It wasn’t until they had put Harry to sleep and they were saying goodnight that Remus could voice his concerns for Sirius:

“Hey, Padfoot, I know you’re happy and all, but… are you okay?” Remus asked carefully.

“Yeah… I guess…”

But Sirius knew better than to lie to his best friend. He knew that he would eventually have to speak about it, whatever it was, so he had to figure it out.

“I know you came back from Azkaban and it’s probably worse than I could possibly imagine, Padfoot. It’s fine if you don’t want to talk, okay? Just let me know if you need anything.” Remus said, trying to be as understanding as possible without completely letting Sirius off the hook, just in case it was something important.

“Okay, goodnight.” Sirius said reluctantly, as he pulled Remus into a tight hug.

“God, I missed you…” Remus whispered.

They let go of each other and walked into their rooms.

When he was left alone with his thoughts, that’s when the demons came out to play. He sat down in his bed, hoping that the off-feeling that he had was nothing, when his mind turned towards the same path as the few night before, maybe because he had done it so many times in a row.

In the dark, he realised exactly how bad it had been. He realised how horrible the dark was. How scared of it he was, how alone he felt. Everything flooded his mind once more, as if he was back inside his dreaded cell.

In the dark, it hit him like a brick. Azkaban had drained him from his happiness and now that he was back in the core of it, he realised it wasn’t just a draining that he went through. There was also a small hole in which it was all leaking, slowly. His happiness, he hoped it would be as it usually was. He hoped that he would’ve gone home to be the same Sirius that he was before. Easy-going, sarcastic, caring. He had hoped that his smiles would come as easy as before.

In the dark, he realised that he didn’t even need to close his eyes before nightmares came it. He thought he saw dementors, he thought that the room was getting smaller, until the point it was like in Azkaban.

It was in the dark, that Remus found him crying, whimpering in a corner, begging for it to stop. Remus didn’t even question it. He knew it was hard. He approached Sirius, hugged him until he realised that he wasn’t alone, which took a few minutes and then forced him to get up.

They walked together to Sirius’ bed, while he was still crying and shaking. They both laid down together, Remus pulling Sirius close to him, making him fit his head perfectly on the crook of his neck as he stroked Sirius’ hair, reassuring him.

“It’s okay, Sirius… It’s okay. You’re home now. They can’t get you here. It’s over…” He whispered over and over.

Sirius considered telling his friend everything that he was scared of, but he didn’t want to share his burden.

“I’m here… Padfoot, it’s okay… It will be alright…”

Somehow, Sirius managed to mumble: “I’m sorry” before he kept sobbing.

“I know, Sirius. It’s okay. You’re safe.” Remus said over and over, pained by the sorrow that his best friend was in.

He tried everything he could but at the moment, he could only hold him and reassure him. He wanted the pain to leave Sirius alone. It was not his fault. And if that meant holding him every night for the rest of his life and reassuring him every night, he was going to do it. Sirius was his best friend.

“You’re home” He whispered in Sirius’ ear as the other pulled him tighter, instinctively, and let his fears take the best of him.

He was home.


	12. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i know i should stop apologizing when posting every chapter but this time its actually necessary: im actually super sorry about everything related to this shitty chapter. thing is: i know i promised to be constantly updating this because im on school break but my susbcription to microsoft office expired so it took a while to get my parents to buy another year of it and then when i was finally able to write (yesterday) i had no idea on what exactly to write. so im so sorry about this shitty filler chapter that is also hella short and im sorry that i didn't post as much  
> bye   
> xx

He was so glad it was finally over. He really was.

But he knew it wasn’t over for Sirius. Remus knew that the nightmares were bound to keep coming every night. He knew that for a fact. And he couldn’t stand it.

Remus couldn’t stand waking up in the middle of the night because he heard Sirius sobbing again. Not because he had been woken up, but because he knew what was happening inside Sirius’ room as soon as he opened his eyes.

Remus couldn’t stand walking up to Sirius’ room and seeing him in a corner, holding his head and muttering things that only Sirius could make sense of. And it wasn’t because it meant picking him up and getting his shirt wet with tears and possibly snot.

It was because the pain and fear that Sirius was going through was his fault. He was the one he was trying to help by becoming an animagus.

 It was because he didn’t deserve any of this.

It was because it was too much for Remus so he couldn’t even imagine how bad it was for Sirius at night.

It was as if Sirius was two different people. There was the daytime Sirius who laughed and played around with Harry and made jokes and although he didn’t smile like he did before and his laugh was not as thunderous, he was still there, happy and like the usual Sirius.

But at night-time, it was a whole new story. Remus would find him crying, sobbing and hiccupping and all the confidence that he once had during the day banished and rendered him to a blubbering mess on the floor. It was fear that overcame him when the dark came.

Sirius felt particularly cold that night. It was dark outside and his fears and demon had once more come out to play. He needed it to stop. He didn’t want to wake Remus up again and let him see him in the state that he was in at that moment. His mind was racing, wild thoughts about his past, his present and his future swirling furiously like a hurricane in his head, which made it hurt. All the darkness and the emptiness that came with the dementors towered over him like a huge, black cloud that only brought strong rain and bad thoughts.

He was scared of the dementors and everything that came with them. He was scared of all the bad thoughts because they could potentially become reality, who knows. He was scared of all the negative stuff that happened at night when the lights were turned off because he had never ever thought like that before and he was scared that every time he tried to be happy there would be a little reminder at the back of his mind slowly replaying every minute of Azkaban.

 He was scared because he wanted to be happy and he wasn’t sure if he could ever achieve that to a maximum ever again.

Sirius was shaking when Remus came into the room. He wasn’t sure why he was shaking. It was winter, more specifically, a few days before Christmas, and it was snowing outside. It was cold, he was crying and everything felt wrong. He didn’t know exactly what caused him to shake so much.

Remus walked over to where Sirius was and sat down next to him. He handed him a tissue and a cup of water and he was holding a bar of chocolate in his hand. He hugged Sirius in the dark and started rubbing circles in his back until he was able to breathe more calmly and deeply.

This took a few minutes and after Sirius’ sharp and shallow breaths had deepened a bit, and Remus noticed this, he grabbed the cup of water and made Sirius drink from it slowly. This made the headache that Sirius had be slightly less painful.

It was cold, but Remus didn’t mind being outside his warm bed if it meant comforting his best friend. He made Sirius wipe his nose with his shaky hands and then helped him up. They both walked to Sirius’ bed and instead of laying down, Remus sat him down and kneeled in front of him.

Remus looked serious. Sirius knew that he meant he was up to something, that he had something important to say. He waited with anticipation as he tried to make himself stop hiccupping and shaking from the cold.

“I want to help you.” He started. “I don’t exactly know what happened there and it’s completely fine. You don’t have to explain. But it just hurts me so much seeing you like this every night. It’s my fault because you guys wanted to help me during school. I want to help you. I don’t want to see you like this for the rest of your life until you end up going insane.”

Sirius was now holding onto the little hope that he had in front of him, in the shape of a friend wanting to help.

“I’ve been reading and asking people and stuff about what could help you. And it’s so obvious. I’m so stupid for not remembering this. So, the thing is, everything that makes you feel like this, I’ve gathered, comes from the dementors. So I found out a way to defend yourself against them.”

He stood up and turned on the lights.

“Remember this? _Expecto Patronum!”_ Remus said and a white mist came out pouring out of his wand, which then turned into a wolf. The white mist danced around the white wolf and it lit up the room. But that wasn’t all.

Somehow being in the presence of a Patronus made Sirius feel better. He felt warmer now and he felt as if there was a possibility, as small as it was, that he could be completely happy once again.

“I was going to teach you, or, at least remind you how to do this as a Christmas present because, you need it and also, I think it would be fun to have a Patronus around Harry but I really couldn’t see you like this anymore… so Merry Christmas, Sirius.”

Although it was snowing and it was cold and it was the middle of the night, Sirius finally was able to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. He had a bit of hope to hold on to.

Maybe he was finally going to be able to sleep well at night, without nightmares and without imaginary dementors plaguing his thoughts.

Maybe he could really feel better after all, even after weeks of restless nights.

He had hope, thanks to Remus.

 

 


	13. Moment of pure happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im back!  
> Hope you enjoyed it and I think I'm out of hiatus and out of my writer's block! Yay! Hope you enjoy it

It was a night many years ago and soon forgotten when it was overshadowed by the pain that war brought. Him, Remus and Peter had made their way into the Potter residence in Godric’s Hollow, each with a present in his hands for Harry’s first birthday.

“I sorta feel like the Three Wise Men. And Harry is Jesus. Only that this Jesus is turning one.” Sirius said as they walked through a patch of green grass that indicated that winter was truly gone, finally,

“Sirius…”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.” Remus said, with a bothered tone, although his face seemed amused, more than anything.

Lily and James invited a few people over for Harry’s birthday. The Marauders, her bitch sister and her family, and a few people from the Order of the Phoenix, such as Frank and Alice Longbottom, the Weasley’s, Hagrid and Dumbledore.

It was a small party but it was a great moment.

As they went inside the house that was so familiar to them, all the worries that the War had brought upon them was washed away by the sound of familiar voices chatting away and a few kids here and there, most of them red-haired boys, playing around.

Sirius loved going into that house because it was like a safe haven from the fighting. Seeing Lily looking tired from a sleepless night with Harry, seeing James acting like a proud dad and even when him, Remus and Peter had to take care of Harry, all of that was always bunched up into one refreshing wave of a good time.

All the night they had spent in that cosy house in Godric’s Hollow, whether it was sitting in silence, each doing their own thing, Remus and Lily reading the night away and James and Sirius playing Quidditch, or it was a loud night of board games and cards with sometimes a little too much firewhiskey that was marked with the roaring sound of laughter in between the best of friends.

“Hey, guys!” Lily greeted them as she opened the door. She was looking lively and happy. Her red hair was styled into a low ponytail and her makeup made her green eyes take all the attention, although her bright red lips fought against that idea. She was wearing a yellow sundress with beautiful flower patterns that made the happiness of the occasion be highlighted.

Remus or Peter had never shown much interest in fashion and looks, but Sirius always wanted to dress the best he could, and he wanted to be able to give advice too, so since he was in his 5th year at Hogwarts, he’d been learning about makeup and looks.

He did not hesitate to show that, especially if it meant complimenting his best friend.

“Lily, that dress is gorgeous! Good job! It looks great on you! And your makeup is as great as always. I give your look a solid ten out of ten. You look radiant.” He greeted her.

She laughed and she joked around with him for a while as they walked into the backyard, where all the action has happening.

It was a beautiful afternoon. The sun was shining, the grass was greener and the flowers were prettier. Joy covered the place like a blanket and it seemed as if nothing could break the moment, as if the people they were right then at that moment, would never be anything else.

When they were in the backyard, they saw James and Frank having a very interesting conversation, by the looks in their faces. Frank seemed to be teaching James something. Sirius knew exactly what was happening the minute he laid eyes on the scene.

Although James was useless at cooking, he had offered himself to be in charge of the barbeque. It was to be expected that he would mess it up somehow. Frank seemed to be telling him where he went wrong.

Lily and all her friends though, seemed to be thinking the same as Sirius, since they had already been preparing some food for the kids to eat as they waited for James to figure out a way to cook something half decent.

There were only a few kids in there but it was clearly a birthday celebration. Bright decorations hung from every wall and there were balloons everywhere. The kids were wearing party hats and their hands were sticky and dirty from playing all afternoon.

As he looked back on the scene later on, Sirius realised that most of the kids were part of the Weasley family. There was also Neville Longbottom, son of Frank and Alice, a very chubby kid that resembled his parents in both appearance and in calmness. While the other kids made noise because they were either hungry or they didn’t want to eat, he sat down peacefully as his mum gave him some of the chicken nuggets that there were in a big table with drinks and food.

Harry was crawling around the floor, getting dirtier and dirtier every time he moved and put his chubby hands against the ground. His dark, messy hair was already starting to develop what Sirius called “The James Potter Hair Syndrome”, which Lily was hoping wouldn’t happen to her son.

Sirius, as he looked at the kids, noticed that Lily’s sister, Petunia, and her gross family wasn’t there. He sighed with relief, since he knew they were invited.

After they had all eaten, a few hours later, when James managed to make something that was edible, they called the kids over to where the parents were and they announced that the presents were going to be opened. Most of the kids knew the meaning of the word present, as various squeaks and excited whispers when around.

He did share a few guilty looks with Remus and Peter when they all realised that it was a double party and it was also Neville’s birthday celebration. But when he locked eyes with Remus, he noticed that he had something planned and in his mind, the solution to the problem was already thought of, so he decided not to worry about it so much.

It was only a kids’ party so not many cool presents were given that day. A few toys, some colouring books and clothes were pretty common amongst the presents, in between the two boys.

Remus pulled out two bars of chocolate from his pocket and gave each one of them to Harry and Neville, who both started eating it excitedly. He then proceeded to explain that it was both Sirius and his present, for now, because the actual present was too hard to carry.

With a smug grin on his face, after that explanation, he walked over to Sirius and leaned down so his mouth was next to his ear.

“You’re paying for those presents. I just saved your ass out of that one”

“Fine, but you’re cooking dinner tonight.”

“Deal”

With that, the opening of presents started to lose the interest of the kids who ended up getting taught bits and pieces of Quidditch by James and Sirius and that was the afternoon of Harry and Neville’s birthday party at the Potter household.

It was a good memory. It was a memory that looked golden and full of sunshine. It sounded like laughter and good times. It smelt like James’ failure at cooking and Lily’s perfume that matched her radiant personality. It tasted like Remus’ dinner that night, and the brand of the chocolate bar that he gave the two boys. It felt warm and it felt right and it felt as if it was happiness contained in one memory.

Sirius blinked twice to remove himself from his daze and looked at his best friend sitting in front of him, reading a book in their living room.

“Hey Remus…”

“Yeah?”

“I think I know how to summon my patronus.”

 


	14. Sickness Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really feel proud of myself for these last two chapters, I mean, I managed to get out of my writer's block, I have been writing like crazy for the last week (I only didn't post anything two days), I've uploaded 4 chapters of my Haikyuu fanfiction and I wrote two chapters for this, which I think are very good and they're long enough for me.  
> So, overall, I feel really proud of my writing this week! Yay! c:  
> I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Weeks after Sirius found out how to summon his patronus, Remus and Harry both fell in sick at the same time.

After Sirius had thought of the perfect memory, he had used it to practice summoning his Patronus. The memory, as Remus had called it, was everything that a Patronus needed to take its most solid and strongest form.

When Harry had gone to bed, both of them stayed back in Sirius’ room practising. It only took one try and there was a huge dog made of white mist in the room.

It was the best remedy, although every now and then he would get a nightmare and Remus would have to get up and help him, most nights he could sleep properly. He was slowly getting everything back together.

From the day of his realization, many other great memories came to his mind. Christmas at Hogwarts, the end of school prank they played in the last day of their last year at Hogwarts, all the full moons they spent in the forest with Remus, Peter and James.

The nagging voice in his mind was slowly being tamed and it rarely spoke without being asked. Negative thoughts still were often there, but the memories he had and Remus’ presence in his life were doing a great job at keeping them at bay.

Things were starting to get back to normal, until Sirius had to go away for two days because Dumbledore needed him at Hogwarts to talk to him about Peter and also about his experience in Azkaban (it was both to check on how Sirius was doing and to get some testimonies since Dumbledore thought it was immoral to use Dementors for cases as small as Sirius’).

It was a pretty fast visit to the castle, yet in those two days, Remus took Harry out to the park for a few hours and it was still cold outside, although the snow was starting to melt, and both of them got sick.

It wasn’t even something serious, it was just a common muggle flu, they could’ve gone to St. Mungo’s but Remus said, in between sniffles and with a raspy voice:

“Okay, no. We’re not going to the doctors. Muggles get over the flu in no time without magic. Also, Harry should develop his immune system. And I’ll get the shittiest service, Sirius, this might be a shock, but, surprise! I’m a werewolf and out world isn’t really fond of us.” When he got sick, Remus could be as sarcastic as Sirius and sometimes even worse.

So right after he got back from Hogwarts, his next task was to take care of sick Remus and Harry.

Remus wanted to help, but he was too sick to even get up, so it was up to him to cook, clean the house and to help them both.

They agreed, though, that the best and most effective way to deal with this was to have Harry and Remus in the same room and since Sirius had a big enough bed for three people, the whole family settled in Sirius’ room.

The next few days consisted of very endearing moments such as the time Sirius walked into his room to offer Remus something to eat or drink, or to ask him how he was doing, and he would find his best friend holding a cold rag to Harry’s forehead so he could be more comfortable sleeping.

It was a very domestic moment. Harry was sleeping in a thin, light blue onesie. He was a bit sweaty from the fever and after a few minutes of crying, since he was very uncomfortable and he probably had a big headache, Remus had many him sleep by holding the boy and stroking his back in circles and by putting a cold rag to his forehead.

Sirius knew how much Remus was trying to make himself useful. He knew that he was really tired, he probably had a headache and his nose was constantly running, he didn’t even have to be told and he knew exactly what was happening to Remus. He was tired and he wanted to rest but he loved Harry so much it was his priority to have him feeling better, over his own health.

He smiled at Remus from the door and he returned a tired smile back. Sirius loved those tired smiles he got from his best friend, because he knew they meant he cared about what he was doing but he was also feeling taken care off. He loved the way he looked with his messy (light brown) hair that covered his face a little bit.

Sirius walked off and headed to the kitchen, down the stairs, and started looking for a good soup recipe for them to eat, one of those soups that miraculously help you get better from your sickness. Remus knew how to cook and he had tried many times to teach him but he could not make something as good as his friend, so he usually left the food duties to Moony.

But today, Moony was sick and basically unable to get out of bed so he had to be able to cook something.

That was when a thought hit him. A few months back, he couldn’t even remember when amongst the whole mess that happened to them, he had a very interesting thought.

Oh right, it happened when they had gotten the Howler. He could remember bits and pieces of it but the main theme remained.

_“…damn he’s already thought about everything. Also… what even happened last night? I mean, we literally slept together… holding each other…he’s your best friend and you’re not even gay… looks hot when he’s that determined and bossy. Holy shit, am I gay?...”_

He’d gotten himself out of Azkaban, which at the time had been his first priority before thinking about this.

But now he had to cook. He looked up recipes on Remus’ book and found a simple recipe for a Vegetable Broth, that included most things they had at home, except for leaks. It seemed easy enough for him to figure out and the leaks didn’t seem to be a big part of the dish so he could avoid having to go and get some to cook that broth.

As he got on with his cooking, his mind went back to the previous thought.

“ _I mean, you’re cooking right now and it’s not something that requires much skill so it’s impossible for you to fuck this up. As long as you don’t zone out too much then maybe you could think about that. Although it’s kind of weird. I mean, you’re thinking about how much you may like Remus, but you’ve grown up with him, he’s your best friend._

 _On the other hand, Lily and James knew each other for years and they were soulmates. And Remus is pretty attractive. The scars on his back and face are cool and his hair is great and his eyes are cute and like two colours, they’re like green with a bit of gold in them.”_ Sirius thought to himself.

But he did think that Remus was the greatest human being and he did love the way that his sweaters looked so cosy on him. He did love the way he frowned when he was concentrating on a book. He did love how much he cared about everyone he loved. He loved many things about Remus Lupin, his best friend, Moony.

“ _Dude, okay. So you love a lot of things about Remus and that’s fine. But does that mean that you’re gay? Because although there’s nothing wrong with that, that would make your life like ten times harder and a few of the guys from Hogwarts would win some money for the bets they made ages ago. Do you really want them to win?”_

It was true though. If it turned out he was gay after all, everything that could go wrong, would go wrong. This was a family composed of an orphaned child who killed the evillest magician of all times, a poor werewolf and a rich, unemployed gay man that betrayed his family’s tradition many times in his life.

“ _You do realise it would be even worse if, like, for some crazy reason, like a very weird twist of fate, Moony also had a thing for you? This is basically going downhill from here. It seems you are actually gay and you do have a thing for Moony. There’s no way to be sure yet.”_

But maybe there was. He did think about kissing his best friend a few times, and the idea seemed a good one for him. He did love touching Moony’s skin and he loved being held by it. He loved the way that Remus was always willing to get up in the middle of the night and the way he was always ready to help out in whatever way he could.

_“I think it’s very clear, Sirius. We both know that you might be gay or some type of queer and you possibly have a crush on your best friend. That’s fine. But you keep your mouth shut because not only that would make everything bad, Remus is sick, Harry is sick, and if Moony finds out he’d probably feel really awkward and leave the house. And then Harry would live the ‘divorced parents life’ considering Moony also has custody over him.”_

He had to keep his mouth shut. He really did. Sirius wasn’t even one hundred percent sure if he was gay or not yet, and he didn’t want to rush things.

“ _Wait. Did I just call us ‘parents’? I mean he does act like a mum a lot. And I’m like the cool dad… We should get married. That’d be cool.”_

_“SHIT! Stop assuming Moony is gay and he has a thing for you and that you could potentially get married. Stop it!”_

Sirius at the end, decided to take his time to figure it out. He knew that he was on to something for thinking about this and it surely was a thing that he should think about, at least once in his life, so he resolved to just take care of his boys and hope they would get well soon. After all, he did get up earlier than usual, and therefore, sacrificed his precious beauty sleep, to clean up the house and help Remus and Harry.

He finished with the soup and put it in two bowls for them, and a little plate for Harry, if he was hungry. He put all the food in a tray and carefully walked upstairs.

He walked into his room.

There laid Harry and Remus, in his bed, all spread out over the very messy sheets. Remus’ hair was as messy as Harry’s and their foreheads had a little bit of sweat on them. But both their faces looked peaceful as they rested. Their faces were relaxed and their cheeks were a little red from the fever they both had. Harry’s body was half on top of Remus’. Moony had his mouth slightly open when he slept.

The sun was mostly covered by the drawn curtains but they still had a gentle and beautiful glow to their rest. Both of them had been super tired, since their bodies were fighting off sickness.

Sirius smiled.

He took the tray and left it in the nightstand next to his bed. He took his shoes off and sat down next to where Harry was. He ate in silence, not wanting to disturb such serene slumber.

 _“I guess this is what family feels like. You want him to be with you. You want to be able to kiss him and hold him and wake up every morning to that sight.”_ His mind said.

“Maybe that’s what I want,” Sirius whispered as he started sipping on his hot soup, which wasn’t bad at all. “Maybe that’s what I want and I think I’m completely fine with that.”


	15. Marauder's spirit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took a while to update, but I've got like a thousand things to write. I'm currently writing this, a series of fics from Haikyuu based on the Blue Neighbourhood album (if you're into Haikyuu, you should totally give it a shot) and a fic every day this week for Royai week (from FMAB, also check it out if you wanna) and a bunch of school assignments so I had to find the right time to write this.

“Moony…” Sirius said with a cheeky smile on his face and a tone that suggested that he was up to something.

Remus knew that tone way too well. With it, he’d gotten him to help to steal some food from the kitchens at Hogwarts, persuaded him to let him sleep as a dog, because _“It’s more comfortable”_ and many other things, including that time when Sirius asked him to go and test his motorbike with him and it ended up in disaster. Remus swore himself to buses and trains.

“What do you want?” He answered with a not-so-amused voice.

“Nothing!” Sirius said mockingly offended. “I just wanted to tell you that you’re the greatest person alive and your hair is really nice and you’re really smart and cool.”

“Okay,” Remus turned around in his chair and set his book aside. “What is it?”

“Well, Moony, my dear friend and legal caregiver of the one and only Harry Potter…” Harry’s face lit up at the mention of him, as he was being held in Sirius’ arms, just for that cuteness factor in the persuasion mission. “As I was doing my duties, and I was cleaning up the house, exactly as you asked me to, I came across a very interesting object that caught my attention. We must’ve forgotten about it long ago.”

Remus sighed, looking unamused, when in reality, he was very interested in what Padfoot was about to say.

“So, this… um, object-thing, well- “

“Padfoot, what did you find?” He said, sternly so that he would stop beating around the bush.

“Well, I kinda may have found a kids broom that we bought for Harry ages ago and he doesn’t really have much space and he can’t really use it in here and he should totally learn how to play because he gets bored at the park and yeah…” Sirius said hurriedly, in one single breath.

“So what does that mean, Padfoot?”

“I was thinking that maybe we could use the Great Fortune of the Great Black Family,” he said, exaggerating the words _Great, Fortune_ and _Black._ “And spend it in something that would piss off my mother and father, like, for example, buying a cool, bigger house, with a big backyard and a pool so then Harry can also invite Ron over, because that’s what he wants,” Sirius looked at Harry who nodded enthusiastically.

In all reality, it had been Harry who came up with both arguments. He was playing with his toys one afternoon and when Sirius came in to check on him since he had indeed been cleaning up and found him standing with the broomstick in his tiny hand.

He asked what it was, and after Sirius explained, Harry was already excited to try it. He wanted to show Ron, his best friend, his new finding.

“Why can’t Ron come to this house to play?” Harry asked, which by itself was a really compelling point, and then the idea was born.

Remus looked bewildered.

“He asked me the other day why he has to go to Ron’s all the time and Ron has never come over and that’s a really good point for a two-year-old,” Sirius said, (Harry was actually 1 year old and 10 months) “So I was thinking, just out of the Marauder spirit, we should totally buy a house out of the blue, because, number one: that’s what we’ve been doing since forever, doing things out of nowhere, and second: to do it out of spite because that is actually heaps of fun. Also, we have a child to think of and he doesn’t seem too happy here, in this old, grim, and dark place.”

As he said the last phrase, Sirius poked Harry’s side, who, being such a smart kid, knew that it was his queue to act ‘very sad and miserable’, as Sirius had put it. Harry was a great actor and a much better exaggerator of what his orders were.

“What do you think, Moony? Should we move or should we leave everything like it is right now?”

Remus had a million thoughts racing through his head.

_When did those two put such an intricate plan together, with Harry’s acting and Sirius’ speech about the Marauder spirit? Could they actually do that? If they did move, it would be done with Sirius’ money and he would owe him loads more, even though Sirius didn’t allow him to pay a galleon’s worth._

_What if they did move? Where would they go? A muggle area or a Wizard area? Each of them had its pros and cons. Was this their next step as a family?_

_They were a family, that was established ages ago. Families moved into new houses as their needs changed. Could they actually move? Right here, right now, find a house, pack their stuff and leave, just like that?_

“I guess we could. This place is getting a little too old for my liking.” Remus smiled and Sirius and Harry’s faces lit up.

 _“I really like it when he smiles, he has a really nice smile.”_ He thought, out of nowhere. He classified that as an intrusive thought put it aside, and concentrated on the now.

He smiled back.

“Okay, let’s move.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this chapter marks the start of a new set of chapters, based on them moving and stuff, so get ready for another story arc, that should be as happy as the last one (Azkaban) was angsty.   
> Thanks for reading!!  
> Please leave a comment if you liked it!  
> I love writing these, and I hope you love reading it.


	16. How the hell do we do this?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither Sirius or Remus know how to move out properly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK! I'm so sorry it took me this long to get a new chapter out, and I know this is a filler but it's better than nothing I guess. I've just been having really stressful weeks lately, with school and football and assignments and friends and the school play and even psychologist so I haven't really been able to write and when I could write, I wasn't really in the mood.   
> So expect more from me soon (hopefully) and thank you for reading!  
> Hope you like this (filler) chapter!  
> Please leave some feedback in the comments

Preparations began the day after.

Harry and Sirius’ persuasion technique worked all too well, since, on the same day, after going out for lunch as a way to celebrate whatever the hell had just happened (both Sirius and Remus were still trying to process exactly what was going on) and just to have a good time, they got home and started preparing everything to go through with the plan until the end.

Remus felt weird. He knew what was happening, getting a house to move in with your best friend and your friend’s toddler wasn’t something that was usually done as quickly as they were doing, and that was fine. He knew that they were different from everyone else. Not everyone lived in a house with a werewolf, a toddler who cheated death and a rich asshole with the ability to turn into a dog.

Remus also knew that it was a good thing, most likely because moving is a big step during life, but he wasn’t really feeling anything. It was as if, disbelief was a thick, blanket that sheltered him against the idea of the process, and since disbelief had settled in his mind, he couldn’t truly assimilate what was happening.

So instead of trying to understand what was happening, he decided to just go with the flow, let the current take him, and see where he ended up. Because as long as he was Sirius and Harry, he was fine.

Remus made a list of things to do, titled “To Do List That Will Get Moving Out Here Done in A Week, Marauder’s style”

“Woah, Moony, you work quick” Sirius smirked at him when he handed him the copy of his instructions.

_“Does he always have to smirk? He sure as hell knows how to be charming. No wonder everyone he meets has a crush on him.”_ Remus thought, before pushing that thought aside and answering.

“Well, we’re doing this the Marauder’s way. Without me, there’s no planning. This is my job, Padfoot,”

“Yeah, that’s true. So you’re taking charge of this ship, Captain Lupin?”

“Shut up” He smacked him in the arm, with an embarrassed and amused smile showing in his lips, and walked away laughing. As he did this, Sirius pretended to be a sailor, and answered “Aye, Aye Captain” energetically, before walking off to do his chores.

Remus wrote many simple and short things on the list because he assumed it would be better to complete little tasks at a time, than having one huge thing to do.

Remus’ lists, both his and Sirius’ copies, were basically just a list of things to pack up and where to pack them, what things to leave out and a list of things that could potentially go wrong and how to fix them in minimum time. Those things included: what if I don’t know where a certain thing is? What if we don’t find a house in a week? What if Harry starts playing around with things while I’m packing up? And much more.

They had no idea what they were doing, to be honest. Remus sort of had an idea of what to do when moving, but together, their knowledge was minimal.

They both knew that they had to pack things up, find a house, move their things in there and live in the new home.

But there was a slight problem, a problem that, firstly, wasn’t so small, and secondly, was what the plan relied on the most, and of they couldn’t solve it, everything would go to shit.

Both Remus and Sirius realised, at the same time, as Remus was starting to pile up books and Sirius was putting clothes away, that none of them knew how to find a house to live in.

Remus lived with his mum (his dad died in a fight with a bunch of werewolves) until she passed away too, due to sickness, in his Seventh Year. After that, he lived going from inn to inn, trying to find somewhere to stay, while trying to hide it from his friends, until Sirius found out and gave him a home.

Sirius, on the other hand, never needed to find a house, since he was legally the owner of everything that was his family’s. Regulus has passed away somewhere he did not bother to check since he had worked with the Dark Lord, so he inherited Grimmauld Place, where he had lived for a few years.

Which was a problem for both of them, because the only person they had known that knew how to find a house because _he had actually done so with his wife,_ was dead and sadly, could not give them any advice.

So they had no idea what they were doing. Remus and Sirius needed help from someone because if they wanted to move out within a week, they had to figure out how to solve this major problem and they had to do so soon.

That night, as they settled down, with their work for the day done, while Harry slept and they had a cup of tea, Sirius said.

“So… do you have any idea on what to do when we pack everything up?”

“Well… you see, Padfoot, I didn’t think that far ahead just yet and I wa-“

“Basically, you have no idea whatsoever, Moony… Just accept it.”

“Fine. Do you know what we’re doing?” Each word was said with a voice that hinted rivalry to anyone who didn’t know them, while in reality, this was playfulness, a joke in between friends.

“Duh, genius! Of course, I don’t. I’m asking you” Sirius said, taking a sip from his tea. “And because you don’t know, and I don’t know, it means we’re seriously fucked here.”

That’s when an idea sparked in Remus’ brain.

He hated to be bothersome, especially to them. But the only people they knew that could help them figure this out was the Weasleys.

“I know what to do, Padfoot…”

“Okay, then. What is it, Mister Genius?”

“We ask Molly how to do this.”


	17. Choosing a house (with darts and a red marker)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write something good but this is mainly a filler chapter, to get things moving. 
> 
> I do hope you like it!
> 
> Leave a comment and I'll post as soon as I can (I'm on school break so I'm hoping it will be soon if I don't have too many plans)
> 
> Thanks for reading!!

_Dear Boys:_

_I’m so happy for you two! It’s great to see how you’ve matured since Harry arrived. I remember when you guys were just getting started and had no idea what you were doing! I guess we’re back to that, in a sense._

_Moving houses isn’t easy, and I have no idea on why you insist to move so suddenly but that’s not up to me, so it’s fine._

_So, you guys have packed up everything, or as much as you can, right? The next thing would be to find your house._

_Think of a place you’d like to live in. Not necessarily the house, but the area. Do you want to live in a Wizarding Village, or do you want to live near muggles? There are some places, like Godric’s Hollow, that is a bit of both. It is small, and most of the places there are cottages, I’m sure you both know that, but it’s close to a muggle town._

_If not, there is always the Archives in the Ministry of Magic where you can find places that better suit you. And there’s the advertisements in the Daily Prophet._

_And for a muggle area, Arthur tells me there is a thing called Real Estate Agents and they basically help you find a home._

_When you have chosen where you want to live, you have to call the person who owns it. If you found the place in the Daily Prophet, send an owl to the person. If it’s a vacant cottage in a Wizarding Village, you have to talk to the Ministry of Magic. And if you’re going for the muggle place, the Agent can help you through it, as far as I know._

_That’s mostly it, though. You boys seem to have the packing under control and with magic, moving boxes is pretty easy._

_Good luck finding a home! Hope you can move soon!_

_Molly Weasley_

_PS: If you need, remember you can always bring in Harry to play with the kids. They all love him and it’s no big deal for us._

They finished packing on the third day and they had still some time to use Molly’s advice to find a house.

“Okay, so you stay home with Harry. You two can choose some neat looking houses in the newspaper. I’ll go to the Ministry of Magic and look at what we can have. I’ll be back for lunch… Don’t buy takeaway or else you’re both in trouble!” Remus threatened jokingly as he grabbed his worn down coat from the coat hanger. “And don’t choose places by sticking the paper to the wall and throwing darts at it, got it Padfoot?”

“Yes mum. We’ll be good. We promise.” Sirius and Harry said in unison. Ever since last time Harry got sick and Remus took care of him, they both jokingly called Remus “Mum” because of his caring, kind-hearted and gentle nature. It was mostly Sirius (who had been with Remus since First Year) who poked fun at Remus, but Harry always took any chance he got to play around with his uncles (a.k.a Adoptive parents a.k.a just Moony and Padfoot) and make them laugh.

Sirius knew that Harry’s little mind was still sometimes concerned for the happiness of the two. He knew that, although he probably would not remember as clearly when he was older, Harry could easily revive the memories of the days around the trial and Azkaban. Sirius was glad that the little boy was able to appreciate and cherish the happy moments, although the reason why wasn’t too nice at all.

And Harry’s idea of a happy moment was doing exactly what Moony said not to do, as long as he wasn’t serious. And Sirius knew that.

“So, little bean, want go and get the tape while I get the darts?”

“Yeah!” Harry said excitedly as he ran to get what he’d been asked for.

Sirius, got the darts that he had in a bag in his room, and then quickly looked at the piece of paper that displayed cottages in Wizarding villages. He scanned through the information and chose the places that would most likely suit them. That’s where he wasn’t going to aim for.

With a red marked in one small hand and a roll of sticky tape on the other, Harry handed Sirius the instruments excitedly.

“So, red is a million points, okay? The rest is only one, so aim for the red!” Sirius said as he circled the properties with too many rooms, or too many things to fix, or too many ugly colours with red. “I made the ugly houses the million point ones because that way you get a price for destroying something as bad as that, Harry. Whatever we’re left with, we’ll show Moony later, when he comes back.”

And their efforts for choosing a place to move into where limited to a light-hearted game of darts for that day. After all, it was all fine, boxes were packed and ready to go and they still had four, actually, three days to find somewhere.

Meanwhile, Remus had gone to the Archives of the Ministry of Magic.

It was like a huge library, possibly thousands of rows of shelves next to each other, holding information on many aspects of the Wizarding Worlds, whether it was the amount of Wizards in England, files on the latest cases of Spattergroit or even the transcripts of every court case there had ever been, it was all there.

Remus walked up to a desk, which seemed to be the information desk, which was clearly necessary with the amount of information there was in that dimly lit room.

There, a mean-looking witch directed him to a corridor not too far away, where at the available properties in Wizarding Villages in England were listed.

_Okay, so I’ll start with Godric’s Hollow, since we’re familiar with the area._

Remus thought that he would have to be there, looking for something for a long time. But as he searched through the papers about properties in Godric’s Hollow, he came across the perfect house.

It was a small cottage, built not so long ago. It wasn’t on the main road, but it was still near everything that the area had. It was smaller than Grimmauld place, but they did need less indoor space and more outdoors.

And this cottage offered just that. It had three rooms, which was exactly what they needed. It had a pretty cool kitchen, which was exactly was Remus wanted, since he enjoyed cooking so much. It had a big backyard, for Sirius to teach Harry how to ride a broom.

It was close to the main road, where the shops were, where the pub and the post office was, where the graveyard was. They wanted Harry to grow up knowing who he was and who his parents were.

It was the perfect home.

He rushed back home, where he found Sirius throwing a dart at the wall while Harry watched amused. They both looked flustered when they got caught doing what they were told not to do, but Remus had no time to make a joke about it. “I found it, Padfoot.”

“Are you kidding me, Moony? You found a house while me and Harry worked out asses off trying to make the perfect choice? Damn it”

“I’m not kidding you, Sirius. I actually found the best place in the world. So get ready because we leave in two days.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so now that you've read the chapter, there is a decision I need to make and I need help to do so.  
> from here I can:  
> -continue the story arc as very lighthearted and nice and fluffy   
> OR  
> -make it be angsty for a while more 
> 
> I do have ideas for both options so in terms of my writing, the quality will stay the same and I will not be improvising each chapter.  
> I do need help to decide this and I will ask you to leave a comment with what you would like to see, fluff or angst. Deadline is on the 10th of July when I'll make the decision based on comments or my own thoughts if I don't get any comments on the matter  
> Thanks!


	18. Is this love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry I took so long to update this. I know that I said I was gonna post more often bc holidays but I've realised that when I go on holiday mode, it's full holiday mode and I don't think at all and I procrastinate, school work and fanfictions alike so I'm rly sorry and here's the next chapter

Moving in was an exhausting process, Sirius and Remus learnt. Amongst the many other things they both had learnt during this process about how to be actual adults and behave as such in real life, they learnt that aiming to do the whole moving houses in a week was something that only crazy people did.

But so what if they were crazy.

It was exhausting for all three of them. After using an Undetectable Extension Charm to put everything inside a small, black travelling bag and unpacking everything out of it, Harry was napping on the recently unpacked couch while Sirius moved each box to its respective owner and Remus unpacked a bookshelf in the living room.

Their cottage was small and cosy but it has enough space to hold everything they had and it was a perfect fit for a family of three. Each of them had their own room, just as it had been at Grimmauld Place, but unlike their old house, this house wasn’t overflowing with rooms and spaces that were there for spiders to make themselves at home. And this house had a huge backyard. Unlike Grimmauld Place, that had no backyard at all. And this house was perfect and new and represented a new start, unlike Grimmauld Place, which seemed to be a trap for memories, especially bad ones.

Sirius loved this place more than anything else. The last week was already taking a toll on his body and he was ready to join Harry on the couch for a nap, even though it was only 2PM. But he couldn’t help it but to push himself to make this new house feel like home.

_Woah, dude. Can you even believe it? You’re just finishing moving into your own house. Legitimately your own. It’s for you and Harry and Remus and it’s perfect. Did you ever think you would move in with Remus, into a house you both picked? This is living the dream._

And it truly was. Because during the last couple of weeks, he’d been realising how much Remus actually meant to him. He wasn’t sure what the name was for what he was feeling, but it was weird and warm. It made him feel a shot of electricity run through his body each time Remus touched him, whether it was a light tap or an intentionally tight hug.

He’d been realising that Remus’ presence made the whole room light up and made him feel warm. He’d been realising lately that he really liked the way Remus’ hair looked when it was pushed back, or the way Remus’ glasses looked on him, making him look ten times smarter and possibly a thousand times hotter.

_Okay, hold up a second. Did you actually just think Remus looked really hot with glasses? Do friends think that? Is that weird or not?_

He wasn’t sure.

It wasn’t as if he was weirded out by the idea of _being_ with a guy. He’d considered it, quite a few times, and even made out with one or two classmates at parties when he was a little tipsy and a little giggly. He never thought any of that counted, though, and he never really gave himself a label. He just did what he did and thought what his mind told him to think.

But thinking about that, about kissing and holding hands and dates and all of that, suddenly became really awkward when the subject that received the attention was Moony.

_Stop thinking and start unpacking, Sirius, geez. You have one job to do and after that, you can lay down and think as much as you’d like about this later. Unpack._

But did he really want to just push those thoughts aside once again? He knew that most people could live their whole lives without even questioning their sexuality at all.

But Sirius Black was not like most people.

_Okay, no. Do not think of any of this, idiot. What will happen if you do turn out to have a crush on Rem and it’s not just the fact that you’re ridiculously close because you’ve lived together for half of your life? Will you really be able to deal with all of it?_

Yeah, he knew he could cope.

He was unpacking his clothes in his new room, kneeling before his drawer and lazily folding clothes as he analysed his situation.

_So, how to figure out if you have a crush on Remus?_

James has always rambled on about how much he loved Lily since Day 1. He used to on about how pretty she was and how beautiful her long, red hair was, and how her eyes were so pretty and her face was so angelical and how she was so _small_ and how easy it would be for him to just wrap her up in a big hug. He used to go on about how she actually spoke to him, even if at the beginning it was mostly to tell him how stupid he was. James Potter could never shut up about Lily Evans when Lily Evans was within a 1KM radius of him.

 And if he thought of everything that James said about Lily, and changed the name to Remus, it basically echoed his subconscious thoughts.

Remus was pretty, and his hair was beautiful and the way it covered his face slightly made him even more attractive, and his eyes were cool as well, especially when they were concentrating on something, like a book. And his face was so soothing, especially during those nights when he had nightmares and he felt as if he was back in Azkaban, Remus’ face and his presence, in general, calmed him down and helped him work his way back to reality.

But, although Remus was taller than him, that didn’t stop him from imagining how nice it must be to cuddle with him because Remus was just so warm and welcoming and his arms were home to Sirius.

And, although Remus constantly spoke to him, unlike Lily to James for the first few days, he still loved hearing him talk, just rambling on about this new book he’s reading or to tell him how much of an idiot he is, with a grin on his face.

He really did love Remus’ company in his everyday life. He loved living with him and taking care of Harry with him. He loved the little spark he felt when Remus’ skin and his touched. He loved the way Remus’ hair looked and the way his glasses made his face look dorkier than ever. He loved Remus’ cosy sweaters and he loved how his brow crinkled when he was focusing.

He loved Remus and he loved being with him and somehow he could not help but wonder what those thin, pink lips tasted like or how it would feel to have his fingers running through his hair or what it would feel like to be able to hold hands with him. He couldn’t help but imagine himself running his thumb through the scar Remus had on his face, kissing it, and loving it because he couldn’t love it himself.

_That’s a definite yes. You’re in love with Remus. You sound exactly like James did about Lily, except it’s like a thousand times more gay. Good job with your realisation. Good luck dealing with this massive crush while living with Remus in the house that you bought together while raising a kid, though_

Sirius was in love with Remus.

And although it was something that was a long time coming, but it was any less shocking.

And he was right, it was going to be hard to deal with it all while leaving with him and all, but there was nothing much to do about it so he resigned himself to letting it be. Right now he had to focus on unpacking their house, while Harry took a nap.

But it still had a nice, warm feeling to it, figuring it out. Even if there was no hope at all for him, because Remus has never exhibited any signs of attraction for anyone, he still felt good about figuring something as big as that out.

Love is a strange thing after all. And Sirius Black was in love with his best friend Remus Lupin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (also I urge you to ask me to hurry the fuck up in the comments after a while if I'm taking too long that way I know that I should be writing)


	19. You're meant to be unpacking, idiot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK!!!!!!?????  
> Im so sorry this took so long to update (it's been over a month now) but I've been hella busy and I could sit here and write every single one of my excuses but that won't be good enough because I still feel like you deserve better from me, so here's a chapter!  
> I'm hoping this is a good chapter considering I have to pick up from a month ago so....
> 
> Hope you like it,  
> leave a comment,  
> I always welcome feedback!  
> Thank you for reading

He loved thinking that his new life had begun when Harry arrived at Grimmauld Place, but in all truth, his new life begun completely the moment he started unpacking at their new house.

Harry had fallen asleep long ago in the sofa they had set up in the living room, as he watched Remus unpack box after box full of books and asked questions about the new house, in his childish and cute manner.

“Will Ron and Fred and George and Percy be allowed to come to play tomorrow, Moony?”

“No, Harry, we’re all very tired and tomorrow we are going to rest.”

“What about the day after?”

“I don’t know if they’re doing anything but I doubt it.”

“What about the day after that?”

“Maybe, yeah. I don’t know.”

“Okay.” And he was quiet for the rest of the night, reading his book and sleeping.

His new life was nothing quite like he expected. All throughout his life, his expectative was very low for his future. Maybe buying a flat for himself, and trying to make a living in the muggle world, since there wasn’t much for him in the wizarding world, except for his friends and Hogwarts. And after seven years, one of those things was bound to be gone. Even his childhood dream to become a professor at Hogwarts slowly died as he realised how the world was bound to treat him.

But as he found himself stacking books in his bookshelf in his house, listening to Harry’s cute little snores and suddenly being hit by the realisation that this was his house, and this was his life, he thought, that maybe, life paid back what it took, in very unexpected ways.

He was happy. Remus was genuinely happy. There were so many bitter things that life had thrown at him but now he was happy and safe and content.

He felt so lucky to be able to share his life with his best friend, the one who stuck with him through thick and thin, ever since they met. The one who lied for him and did his homework after a full moon and snuck into the kitchen to get him chocolate. The one who told him _to “Stop being a fucking idiot and move into Grimmauld Place”_. The one who fought with one of the most powerful and intimidating wizards of their time, just to protect Harry.

He felt so lucky.

Remus felt so lucky because the house was his and he was raising a kid and he had the best of best friends in the world and suddenly everything that was bad in his life wasn’t relevant anymore because he was home. With Sirius and Harry.

When he finished with the books, he made himself and Sirius a sandwich, because Harry would not wake up until the next morning. It was so quiet and peaceful and it felt so right.

He picked up Harry from the sofa, being careful not to wake him up, and took him to his room. He put him into his pyjamas while the boy slept without interruption and put him to bed.

Then, when he was making his way to his room, he stopped by to check on Sirius and to make sure that he was unpacking.

Which he wasn’t.

There was a big, black dog sleeping on top of some clothes that were meant to go on a drawer.

Remus grinned and used his foot to poke Sirius until the dog growled and woke up.

“You’re meant to be unpacking, idiot.”

“I was tired.” He excused himself.

“It was all your idea, dude.”

“But you said yes.”

“It’s not as if I had another option, you and Harry are the worst.”

“You love us, Moony, don’t lie to me…” Sirius joked.

“I love Harry, but I’m still not sure about you. I’ll keep you updated.”

“Ouch. That’s rude.”

“You’re rude too, Padfoot.”

“I wasn’t the one who just told his best friend in the entire world that he didn’t love him, though.”

“Fine. You’re pretty cool, I guess.” Remus said with fake unwillingness.

“That’s not going to make it better, Moony. You really hurt my feelings, y’know?”

“Whatever. I made dinner.”

“You have to say it, or else I won’t eat.”

“You can starve, that’s great.”

“C’mon, say it!” Sirius nagged like a little kid.

“Nope.”

“Please?”

Their dynamics were usually like this. Sarcastic comments and acting like an asshole, whining like a little kid and calling each other an idiot was part of it. That perpetually teasy and somewhat flirty atmosphere ruled over the Marauder’s since puberty struck and they were all more aware of everything. And Remus was very aware.

Something inside him stirred, and a voice in the back of his mind told him that there was something else to Sirius’ playful jokes and that there was a deeper meaning to his teasing. But he decided to ignore it, at least for now, because he wanted Sirius to go and have dinner and then have everyone go to bed. And he knew he could get something out of this situation.

“I’ll say it if you get me chocolate, the one you know I love when we go to Hogsmeade…”

 “It’s a deal! Now…Say it!”

“Fine… I can’t believe I’m saying this…” He murmured. “I love you and Harry both. Not just Harry.”

“Good enough. God, can you get more difficult?”

“I could, but that wouldn’t be as quick and I want to go to bed.”

Dinner was a quick thing and soon they were going back to bed. Remus made Sirius promise that he would finish tidying up his room the next day and that he wouldn’t forget about his deal and the chocolate.

When he was in bed, the thought that he decided to push aside earlier, re-emerged.

He knew Sirius way too well, so he knew when there was something different, whether it was on the way he moved, he spoke or he looked. And most of the time, he also knew what was wrong. But this time, he knew there was something different in his tone, he didn’t think it was something off, but it was weird and different and completely new and he didn’t know was it was.

And somehow, that teasy and flirty dynamic managed to get into his head and was making him feel weird.

_Wait, was he… blushing?!_

He had to admit, he did feel pretty lonely when James and Lily started dating and every time Sirius went out with a girl or a boy because he knew that he would never have any of that.

But life had ways of flipping things around, didn’t it?

Remus also had to admit, that Sirius was a good-looking bastard.

He liked it when Sirius’ hair was tied back, or when he wore Remus’ clothes to tease him and call him a nerd because Sirius liked leather jackets and Remus liked big sweaters. He liked it when Sirius’ voice suddenly dropped an octave lower and he knew he was teasing and he meant business. He also liked how different Sirius was versus the way he looked. And how supportive he was. And how pretty his eyes were. And how great of a parent or carer he was to Harry. And he also liked it when-

_What?_

In summary, Remus had to admit that Sirius was _fucking attractive_ and that he was lonely and there was something weird in the air that day.

He wasn’t sure what it was about Sirius, he wasn’t sure what it was inside him, but he definitely had to look into it.

He fell asleep thinking of that lower octave voice, wavy hair tied back, a smirk that could break hearts, and black dogs sleeping on top of some clothes that were meant to be folded.


	20. Leftover Death Eaters

“Alright Harry, it’s time for bed, we all have to get up early so we can meet your teachers tomorrow morning,” Lupin said as he directed the boy towards his bed.

Harry had been so excited to learn that he would be meeting more kids his age, he had been rambling on about it the whole day and even asked to take Ron with him. It wasn’t that the Weasley boys were not enough for Harry, it was just that Harry was always happy to meet new people and share his toys with them.

“Moony, can Ron or George or Percy or Fred come with me?” He asked once during lunch.

“Harry, you know that Ron has to stay home. You can still see him and the rest of the boys during the weekends but they have to stay at home.”

“But why?”

“It’s dangerous for them to be out in the muggle world for too long. There are still some bad wizards out there.” Remus answered, trying to soften the harsh truth.

“Besides you’ll meet a bunch of new kids in there, so you’ll be fine, kid,” Sirius said, shamelessly stuffing a whole sausage in his mouth.

“Merlin’s beard, Sirius. Can’t you chew before you speak?”

“Harry needs reassurance because he’s gonna go to a new place without his best bud. I think I am excused from that rule. It was urgent.” He responded, words working their way through mouthfuls of food.

“You’re so gross,” Remus said with disdain, as Harry spectated the scene with amusement.

“I’m not”

“You are.”

“I’m not”

“You are”

“Okay, fine. I’m gross. But you can’t say you don’t love it.” Sirius said with the most charming smile he could summon. It was probably just his hopeful imagination, but he could swear that he saw his best friend blush a little, stutter and hesitate for a second before answering.

“I don’t”

“You do”

“I don’t”

“Alright, Harry. Are you finished eating? We can go to the park if you want. Sirius can do the dishes because he’s gross.” Remus retaliated, slightly reluctantly because he could not come up with something cleverer but at least fleeing the scene and passing on his chore was a place to start.

“Oh, you son of a-“

“Language. You’re so gross.” He said with a smirk painted across his lips.

“Fine. Whatever. I don’t care.” But Sirius did care because he didn’t want to do the goddamn dishes, he wanted to spend some time with Harry before he started going to daycare and he wanted to look at Remus’ hair with the sunlight shining on it and the wind messing it up. But it was mainly because of Harry, he told himself. Moony was a secondary factor.

It was pretty late already, but Harry’s excitement seemed to be spilling out of every pore in his body. The boy could not sit still for more than a minute. He would not stop talking about all the stuff he was going to do at daycare.

“Alright, kid. Choose a book. I’m reading to you and then you’re going to sleep. Moony and I are tired.” Sirius said, walking into the room and turning the night light on.

And rightfully so, part of Harry’s energy was spent in asking them both to try and catch him while he ran around the house with his underwear in his head.

“Two grown ass men can only chase a little kid around the house for so long.” Moony joked.

“Can we read the story with the Three Brothers?” asked Harry.

Remus was usually super reluctant to read that story. “ _Out of all the damn stories in that book, out of all the stories Beedle wrote, he had to go and choose that one as his favourite.”_ He usually complained. Harry didn’t like the stories as much as he liked hearing about the wishes of the three brothers. “ _At least it's teaching him not to mess with death”_ Sirius often thought.

“Alright. But first, you have to tell me what are the rules for tomorrow?”

“I can’t tell my friends about Snuffles or your wands or my broom or any stuff like that because they don’t know about that.”

“Good boy. Shall we?”

With his best narrator voice, Remus began reading.

_“There were once three brothers who were travelling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the brothers reached a river, too deep to wade through, and too dangerous to swim across…”_

Sirius turned into his animagus form and laid down next to Harry. He started at the lamp next to him, its light flickering constantly as the fire was burning and his thoughts started to wonder. Remus’ voice and Harry’s breathing were calming enough to isolate him within his own thoughts.

And for some reason, the conversation that Remus had with Harry about the Weasleys staying in the Burrow for a while unless it is completely necessary kept on echoing in his mind.

There was something that told him that he should be concerned about part of that conversation but the long day they just had and the promise of a really long day ahead seemed to be tempting his concentration away from the topic, even if he had a bad feeling about something he could not quite decipher.

As Moony was getting to the end of the story, Sirius moved away from Harry and turned from his dog form with heavy eyelids and his mind too tired to process many other things.

_“And then, he greeted Death as an old friend, went with him gladly, and, as equals, they departed this life."_

Soon after, everyone in the house was fast asleep, for only a few hours, before they heard impatient knocking on the door.

Sirius was the first one to awake and the first one to get out and check. He walked towards the door with his wand in hand, signalling Remus to stay with Harry just in case anything happened.

As soon as Remus disappeared, he realised what his mind could not figure out before. The eerie similarities in between what happened with Lily and James that night, when he decided to go forth, even if it was just to buy some time for Lily, and Lily staying with Harry and what was happening now was the right situation for that dangerous and scary thought to fully form in his head.

“Sirius, open the door right now.” A familiar voice said, calm but firm.

As he opened the door, Albus Dumbledore rushed in, slamming it shut behind him.

“W-What the hell Professor?!”

“Where’s the boy?” The old man asked.

“Uh, he’s upstairs, what’s up?”

“Where’s Remus?’

“Also upstairs…Will you PLEASE tell me what the hell is happening and why you needed to come banging on my door at 3:30AM?”

“They’re coming for you. It’s not safe. You have to go. Take your things and hide.”

And then, the fully formed thought popped into his head.

The leftover Death Eaters. Of course, they’re after Harry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried. i promise
> 
> anyway im sorry i take ages to upload a new chapter. im going to make myself post at least one chapter per month so then i dont procrastinate writing so much but im also not in a tight schedule. 
> 
> hope you liked the chapter!  
> leave a comment/kudos!  
> thanks for reading!


	21. Beg for an endless night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess wHO'S BACK????
> 
>  
> 
> I'm so so sorry I took so long. This story is the hardest story I've written.  
> But here's a chapter!!
> 
> I'm looking for a beta for this story so if you're even remotely interested, let me know in the comments!! :)

Sirius wanted to cry.

To curl up in a bed, or the sofa, or a corner, anywhere. He wanted to cry, to yell in frustration, to punch the wall. To punch multiple walls, to tell Dumbledore to fuck off, that he was lying, that they were safe. He wanted to take Remus and Harry and hide them in his room so that they wouldn’t have to hear Albus Dumbledore say those words so that they could still believe they were safe.

He wanted to run away, to go to the forest, to turn into a dog and tear everything in his proximity to shreds, because life was never fair.

It was as if there was some higher power that delighted to see them suffer. Safety and freedom, the promise and happiness were the mouse and their tiny family was the cat, the cat that always saw the tail, but never held the price in its hands.

For Sirius, life was becoming like a race, a leg race against a car. It was becoming like an unending uphill battle, with just enough sight of the top that they would keep going, but each time, it got worse.

Each time the punch hurt more.

“I’m so very sorry, boys.”

That was the tipping point.

“What in the fresh hell are you doing here? Calling us boys? How the fuck dare you? I have respected you ever since I stepped foot in your school, maybe even longer, thanks to my brother. I have listened to your words, I have believed in you, I have never done a thing that was out of place for the sake of pissing you off. I have gone through a lot of shit in the last two years. A lot of shit. And for fuck’s sake, I am sick of it. I have dealt with so much. So much. We have dealt with so much. I know that Sirius is probably as sick of all this shit as I am and Harry just doesn’t know what the fuck is happening half the time because everything is always changing. We know what’s happening. We fought in the war, we did our part. We’ve seen stuff. So don’t you dare call us boys, because we’re not some fresh-faced newly sowed children that expect the world to bow down and give them everything.”

Sirius was stunned. Harry was stunned. Albus Dumbledore was most definitely stunned when he heard the quietest man yell.

“I know Sirius and I are young, but we know shit. I have to suffer every month, ever since I’m a kid. Sirius helps me and he goes through it with me. We both lost out best friends to war, our other so-called best friend betrayed us. He killed Lily and James. We lived in that house that I know was torture for Sirius, because you told us to. We’ve gone through so much shit, and I’m not taking it anymore. I take care of Harry with Sirius and I and Harry take care of Sirius. And right now, I’m making this decision in front of all of you: this is the last time we follow your instruction word by word, only because this is about the safety of my family. I’m not doing this anymore.”

Dumbledore cleared his throat.

“Well…um, certainly…uh…”

“Get to the point. What are we doing?” Remus asked.

Sirius was surprised. He had never in his life seen Remus look so angry. Even back when they were in school, the only time he had heard Remus rant like that was when he told James to get his shit together and ask Lily out. It felt like a lifetime ago.

Remus angry was definitely a new sight. Sirius’ anger had never been held back. It had always been loud and big. Switching roles was a new feeling.

Sirius was scared. He was frustrated and angry and cold. He noticed he wasn’t wearing socks. He regretted that, he was going to put socks on as soon as possible.

It was odd, that his mind was concentrated on the feeling of his cold feet against the tiles of their new house, instead of concentrating on the crisis in front of him.

Maybe his brain knew Remus had it under control. Or as much control as he could.

Maybe his brain was keeping him calm to soothe Harry’s concerns.

Or maybe it was his brain going on autopilot, making him breathe and blink and stay standing, while his consciousness slipped to more trivial trains of thought. Maybe the human brain wasn’t able to deal with so much, so the brain shut down. Maybe it was the brain’s way of calling quits, the brain giving up on feeling things. Maybe that was the way Sirius’ brain responded to what he could only call emotional trauma.

“You need to hide. I know of a few places where you can go for now. But in the long term, you need to figure something out something else. I’m truly sorry. I can provide you with my guidance, but only if you want it, I won’t interfere.”

“What do you suggest we do in the long run?”

“I suggest you live a new life. Change your names, pretend to be muggles, disappear from here. I’d even suggest going as far as to move countries.” The old man said, calmly. “I can hide all the traces that you leave here, but only if you hide well. I shall contact you once it’s safe to come back to the Wizarding world.”

“Where do you suggest?”

“America is full of wizards. There your magic will go unnoticed since there’s so many of us, muggles or wizards won’t notice three extra people living there. It’s also an immense country. It will be harder to find you there than in England.”

“How long until we have to go?”

“I only know that there are still dark wizards looking for Harry. I don’t know what they are planning, but whatever it is, it will be soon. I recommend you leave in the morning.”

Albus Dumbledore left as unceremoniously as he arrived, unannounced he came and unannounced he went, only with a solemn aura, an aura that Sirius perceived said that he was too above their pain to feel sympathy for them.

“I don’t even think I can feel anything anymore…” Remus whispered as they sat down on their couch, together.

“I feel empty, it’s okay,” Sirius reassured him, but his words were empty promises thrown around in a sea of uncertainty.

It wasn’t okay and both of them knew it. It really wasn’t okay.

The sudden feel of familiar skin touching his own, familiar fingers interlacing his, made him jump, surprised to feel the usually tingling sensation.

There were tears running down Remus’ face, but there was no sound, only an empty look.

 Soon, holding hands turned into hugging, as if their arms were autonomous snakes that knew what to do when their own minds didn’t. Harry hugged them, not completely understanding what was happening, as both of them pushed for words to come out, but those came out cracked and trembling, overflowing with the emotions they couldn’t understand. Harry fell asleep as Remus held him tight, brushing his messy hair out of his forehead, that scar a reminder of the horrors they had gone through, and the ones that were yet to come.

They cried on each other, holding each other close, their bodies against each other the only thing that felt truly real at that moment, as they had done many times before, trying to find comfort in each other and promising each other that they will be fine, that one day this will be over. But this time, unlike every other time, neither of them were the solid rock each other required to lean on and the promise of a morning that was sure to come wasn’t reassuring, the future didn’t hold better times for them now, the morning didn’t represent a safe haven, a ‘we made it through the night’. They begged for an endless night, but instead, they lost track of time and the first ray of sunlight made its way through the drawn curtain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you liked it!!  
> Any comments, feedback, stuff you liked or you didn't, let me know!!
> 
> Comments/kudos are always appreciated!!
> 
> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> (Remember if you want to be my beta, let me know!)


	22. Tiny bright places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit will you believe this? I wrote something.  
> y'all probably thought i died tbh.
> 
> y'all can be mad at me for taking so long to update im mad at myself too.  
> either way thanks for the patience and for reading and all comments and kudos are greatly appreciated:)

After that day, even opening his eyes every morning came with a rush of adrenaline from the fear of being hunted down. His life was filled with dread due to the mere prospect of having to face yet another day like this.

Yet, they kept pushing, the promise of a better day that was yet to come the only thing that kept them going.

Even so, there were still a few bright moments in their dark cloud in New York that made their life tolerable. One of those was the surprise that came with waking up next to a _shirtless_ Sirius Black, still sleeping, with his hair messy and covering his face, his muscles relaxed and his breathing soft and calm.

It had only been a month or two since they had rushed from England to keep Harry and themselves safe. The whole deal still gave Remus nightmares.

They now lived in a small apartment _(keyword: small)_ in a dirty street in New York, with one room, a bathroom, and a barely functioning kitchen. Every morning, Remus got up first, got ready and then dressed Harry up. They had enrolled him at a pre-school nearby, under a false name, which then allowed the two boys to work. They knew that the famous Black fortune was completely off-limits, they’d rather sell their belongings off before risking their lives once again, so each of them got a job to keep their family alive. After Remus and Harry were ready, Sirius got up and started his own day, while Remus made breakfast and packed Harry’s lunch.

He liked to make Harry’s day a little better by cutting his sandwiches in funny shapes like a smiley face or a heart, and by sneaking a chocolate frog into his pocket for him to eat before he entered the pre-school. He knew Harry liked it because every morning Harry would bounce up and down while sitting on Sirius’ lap when Remus started preparing lunch until Sirius spun him around so he couldn’t see what was today’s sandwich.

Before leaving the house, Sirius and Remus would hug for a little longer than necessary and although Remus’ wishful thinking got him wondering if it meant more, he would try to brush it off every morning by saying to himself that it was Sirius’ way to ask for reassurance. This was a reminder of Remus’ own helpless feeling at their situation.

Remus and Sirius had managed to get jobs as a banker and a florist respectively.

Remus hated every minute, thinking about the magic of Gringotts but he did it because he needed the money and because he had always been smart and good at maths and his boss said he was good at the job and if this is what it took to survive then he would have to do it until they could return to England.

Sirius hated his job because “ _They’re just stupid flowers, Remus. They don’t do anything interesting, they sit there, live for a while and then die…”_ Maybe people were like flowers, living for a while and then dying. Surviving day by day, minute by minute, not necessarily enjoying their lives, but staying alive because there was a need for them to be alive. Flowers were meant to be pretty for people to buy, and Remus and Sirius were meant to be soldiers, to be guardians, to be strong and to be a stronghold. But no one ever cared about what a flower wanted and no one ever cared about what Remus or Sirius wanted.

Remus wanted to stop surviving and start living.

He had tasted what living was like when he was at Hogwarts and he had a group of great friends around him, sometimes dumb, yes, but dangerously loyal and supportive and caring, even if they didn’t speak of that because they were teenagers and those talks involved feelings.

But those days were the days in which he felt alive, in which he felt things and he smiled with ease and sometimes yes, cried, but it was all a magnificent combination of strong emotions that culminated into the best years of his life.

And now all of that was gone, war had ripped it all off from him and he had to sit there, in a job he hated, looking at numbers he didn’t care about and doing calculations that had zero relevance to him.

He wasn’t living, he was surviving.

But those bright spots in their dumb dark cloud in New York City felt as if a wisp of those moments had escaped the devastation of war and made an appearance every now and then, as if they were there to tell him to keep going, to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward towards the promised better days in which he was going to feel alive and whole again.

One of those bright spots came at the end of his day at the bank, where he would walk to the flower shop where Sirius’ worked.

Sirius’ face lit up when Remus showed up.

“Moony!”

“Hey Padfoot, you done yet?” Remus said, catching Sirius who had just jumped into his arms, basically asking him to take him away.

“Yeah, I should be fine to go, let me get my stuff,” He smiled while walking towards the back door.

“I’ll wait for you outside,” There was a bench outside where he could take in the air and the sights of a restless city.

As he was about to sit down, he heard people yelling in a dirty alley a few meters away from him. He ran to the scene, forgetting everything, his gut feeling telling him to go.

“You’re disgusting! You’re a fuckin’ disgrace,” A man was standing, knuckles red and bruised but otherwise unharmed. He was screaming at another man, sitting against the wall, eyes open wide with fear, his nose bleeding and probably broken, with a bruised lip and a cut on his forehead to top it all off. “Fucking say it!”

When the poor man didn’t answer, he received a kick on his side. “Say it! Say you’re disgusting! Say you’re a fuckin’ disgrace!”

The man muttered the words, barely conscious.

“I fucking hate your kind. You fags just go out there thinkin’ y’all can just do that disgusting shit, fuckin’ hell. You fucking gays disgust me, me glad I didn’t just fucking kill you. It’s not as if anyone would miss you, your faggot boyfriend probably wouldn’t’ care anyway, too busy getting himself killed with AIDS…”

Remus didn’t think, he just jumped at the aggressor, his blood boiling with rage.

He threw the first punch but damn, the other guy could pack a punch too. The fistfight was quick but it left its wounds. Remus finished him off swiftly but he himself had now a black eye and a split lip.

“Remus, we gotta help him, he’s unconscious.” Sirius’ tone was charged with worry. “I have no fucking clue what to do Remus… Help me…”

Remus’ brain snapped back into action, the need for something to be done being greater than any other thought or lack of thereof at that moment. He could worry about his eye later.

“Take off your jacket. Use it as a pillow. I’m running to your store to get a First Aid kit. Check if there’s a number we can call, try his wallet.”

He rushed to get some bandages, something to clean up the wounds and some water when he saw Sirius start moving.

“Please, can you call an ambulance? There’s an unconscious man outside, even if he wakes up soon, he’s pretty badly beaten up,” He ordered the girl that was taking over the front counter after Sirius. Amy, if he remembered correctly.

When he came back, Sirius said that he had found a number and when inside to call it. Remus was left alone with the man.

_“Fuck my hands are shaking and they’re bruised.”_

He started by fanning the man’s face to try and wake him up. He was probably a few years older than Sirius and Remus but not too much. His facial features were distorted but his breathing was becoming evener.

When Sirius came back, he informed him that the ambulance was on its way.

“Sirius…”

“Moony you’re doing fine. He’s going to be okay I promise.”

“No, it’s not that,”

“What then?”

“He’s gay,”

There was a silence.

“That’s why he beat him up,”

“What do you mean? Moony?”

“He could’ve been killed, Padfoot. And for something he can’t change. You should’ve heard the stuff he said to him, Sirius. He could’ve died and those would’ve been the last words he ever heard…”

Remus couldn’t move.

Sirius waited with him only for two minutes before the ambulance came and took the man away.

They sat down on the sidewalk, Remus too petrified to move.

He couldn’t believe it. He hadn’t been able to be gay in England, and now he could never be gay in New York. He was scared. Scared because he had been questioning his feelings for so long and now that he had finally come to a satisfying conclusion and that he was starting to love that part of himself, he was shown once again that the world didn’t like people like him. He was an outsider. He was to be hated and he was to hate himself. He was to live in fear. In fear that he will never see another day but also in fear of facing that same day.

His hands hurt, he was sitting uncomfortably and his head was pulsing but he didn’t feel any of that. He was numb. It was shocking to see that aggression take place in front of him, to know that if he hadn’t intervened, a man could’ve died.

“Moony, he’s going to be fine,”

“Okay,”

 “Moony, it’s okay, you’ll be fine,”

“Okay,”

“We gotta go home,”

“What if that happens to me?” He asked panicked. “What if they find out I’m gay?”

Sirius took his hand and interlaced their fingers together. It felt so natural. A tiny bright spot in their endless dark cloud.

“I won’t let them do anything to you. I promise.”

Maybe they were going to be okay one day. Not today, but one day.


	23. VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE PLS READ *NOT A CHAPTER*

So,

I’ve honestly been trying to avoid this for as long as possible but it’s gotten to the point where if I don’t do it it’ll feel worse. Please read until the end, it’s not all bad news.

Hi, it’s been a while.

I’ll get straight to the point. As you may have gathered from all this radio silence, I can’t continue writing this story. When I began writing this story, I had a lot of free time in my hands, I was able to sit down and write for the sake of writing and I was fully immersed in this fandom, which is now not the case.

Time’s gone past and I am now in my second last year of high school as a tremendous overachiever and to be completely honest, I am struggling to keep up with all the school work, the pressure I am in, the expectations and all the extracurriculars I do, on top of that. I have barely any time left in my hands, and most of my free time is spent resting, since I am always super exhausted from all the things I have to do.

I also have stopped being so involved with the fandom, specifically the fanfiction side of it. Harry Potter will always be my first fandom and one of the dearests to me and I'll always come back to it. I love this fandom, I love the memories and the meaning it has for me but my time delving into Wolfstar fanfiction has been cut short because of the way time is. As I find new interests, I read new things, but that doesn't mean I love the previous ones any less.

I know these sound like excuses to not write but its more of an explanation for my really long absence. I honestly feel that until I can get closure on this fic, I won’t be able to continue writing, even though I really want to.

I have realized that to move on fully from this fic and to be able to not feel guilty each time I get a comment or kudos on this story, I had to let you all know of my decision. I’ve postponed this message because I know how heartbreaking it can be to be reading a fic to never have it finished, and I was not ready to do that to you. But it's kinda like ripping off a band-aid.

Some of you have followed this story since Chapter One and for that, I am forever grateful. You have seen me try and rewrite Harry's childhood in a completely different upbringing, try to pace Remus and Sirius' love story and to show the hardships and grief they would be going through while raising their best friends' baby.

I hate to disappoint you with an unfinished story, but I have tried many times to write the next chapter, and the inspiration just isn’t there.

This really sucks, I know, and I hope you’ll understand.

I want to propose a solution to the problem though. I hate to leave the story unfinished, and I can’t write it, but I am 100% willing to let someone else write the rest of it. If someone is able to pick up from where I left off and continue the story, I would feel much better about the way this fic will go.

What I’m saying is that, if one of you is willing to write the rest, I’ll tell you the rest of the plot. I’ll even beta the work for you. Whatever help you need to write, I can do it.

I just don’t want this story to be unfinished forever.

If you’re willing to try to help me out, reach out to me. My twitter acc is @twoleftshoe and my tumblr is @/i-am-papa-churro . Hopefully, I can talk to some of you and figure out how this is going to work out moving forward.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you expected when you clicked on this story.

One day, hopefully soon, I’ll get my muse back and I’ll be able to write again, please stick around for that.

Cat (alien-in-the-sea)


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